Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...

Sunday, January 27, 2013

You Are Going to be a Damn Mudder

So...I'm entering a Mudman race. Yep. They are popular amongst police and fire and now sweeping America. SWAT courses, zip lines, running in mud, crawling in mud,etc.

Anyone into CrossFit and police games...bring it on. GET MUDDY!

Oh, and yeah, they occur in the times of nice weather. So you all have time to get ready. I'm out of shape now and working toward a new goal. Dropped 10 already.

Don't be a wimp.

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Bronx Requiem

Just as I was moving, I received a package. It was a book I had agreed to review. It has been begging me to open it up ever since I settled into the Harry Potter House. So...in English fashion, I donned my fuzzy blanket and some tea. I switched to coffee and then ended it with wine as I read on.

The first paragraph intrigued me. It was colorful, descriptive, and placed the reader right on the streets...with a prostitute...my kind of peeps!

As I read on, I felt what it was like to be a prostitute in that moment...her thoughts, feelings..all there. I felt the makeup was also caked on my face as I read, so much that I had to get up and wash my face.

Her demise comes a little later.

Well, duh.

It is a murder mystery, a Detective Jack Kenny Mystery, to be exact. And no, it's not just another prostitute killing story.

John Roe, the author, served as a peace officer for over 40 years. He joined New York PD in 1968 and just retired in 2012. I have to give him the highest marks for that long of a career...especially in big city New York. Kudos to you, John! Thank you for your dedication.  He served in many capacities.

This is his first book and Reed Farrel Coleman joins him. Look Reed up. He has received several awards, an amazing writer!

I was pleasantly surprised as I read this story. I was there, the whole time. The authors never lost me. Maybe that's the girl in me, but I like details. I've been a cop. I know what happens and how things occur, so tell me. Show me. The worst thing you could do is bore a cop. And I never was!

Of course, it's got a New York flavor.

Secrets about the killer come out slowly. The story draws you in. You will be snuggled up in a fuzzy blanket reading and sipping wine or coffee and enjoying Bronx Requiem. I guarantee.

During an interview with Carmen and Maricel, they give it to Romero, make it difficult on him. Let me just quote an example of a sentence describing along with the dialogue which captures you....

"Maricel laughed a laugh as disconnected from joy as poetry was from murder."

I don't know why, but I connected with that and the sentence is brilliant!

That particular sentence described a lot of what happens during an interview when the police are not only listening, but analyzing what you say, how you say it, body language, posture, eye contact,etc. Your mind is a whirlwind and you have to think and act fast during interviews and interrogations.

Bronx Requiem is well worth the read and I was caught up in the story until the end. Believe me, as the PoPo, if I read a cop book, a mystery, a murder plot...it had better be good, otherwise, I put it down. Get it on Amazon, I provided the link, just click it!

Please, John and Reed...write again!

I wish John Roe and Reed Farrel Coleman many more books of success and can't wait for more! Bravo!

The Raven Loon

Once in awhile I like to send a plug to another blog or a friend, or a product. No money is ever sent my way, however, it would be gladly accepted. ((((giggle)))) In this case, pastries, art, or a book I'm pushing her to write with her chefiness!

This lady makes me laugh because she is the snarkiest amongst the snarks.

Her intelligence is probably close to Einstein and she loves eccentric, eclectic, new, fun, and she views the world with her eyes wide open. She spills it all out there so the harsh reality is unveiled.

I'm not sure what we are in store for, but it will be a fun ride. I expect someday she will be famous. Did I mention she is an artist and a chef? Two great combos.

Perhaps she will bake me a fabulous cake someday. In the meantime, I am going to enjoy the loon who proudly goes by the name....JANE DOH! Check her out. I've asked her to be a guest on my blog so we'll see if she accepts and what she drums up! She is fresh, snarky, and has a little Wyoming in her!

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Troll Bridge Elvis

I'm used to toll highways, but only in Colorado where they conveniently let you pass, captcha your license plates, and bill you later.

Out here...they still have bridge trolls. Now I am all in favor of creating jobs and now realize I have to get a state highway pass to make traveling anywhere easier.

However, if you are going to be working at the toll highway booths...you should be NICE!

I ran into a character of a man late at night and he was none too happy with me.

It was 0200 (in the morning) and I came upon yet another toll area. Apparently out east and south, you must have a vehicle SIZE limit in the toll areas. I was driving the Gold Beast. Another unheard of thing...is a diesel pickup...only SEMIs or VW diesel cars are the preferred diesel vehicles around here. So I am viewed as some kind of wonderment.

As I pulled up to this toll both, the iron X sign was hanging out about 10 inches into the lane of traffic. How irritating! Like, RUDE! Apparently, someone was too busy eating donuts to pull it back out toward the toll booth and out of the lane of traffic, because the dude was OPEN not CLOSED.

I eased my truck to the right, watching so that both extended mirrors would not hit any of their precious state equipment. I smidged by. When I say SMIDGED, I mean smidged!

Yeah-"smidged" and "wonderment" are words. Just sayin'

I was beaming with pride as I pulled up to the window. I am...a rancher. Ha!

To my surprise, I was greeted with a stink eye and a frown and an actual "hmmpf" from a short man who looked EXACTLY like Wayne Newton-Joe Pesci My Cousin Vinny-Elvis in a traffic vest.


Like, exactly.

I called him...WAYNEJOE.

Only because WAYNEJOEELVIS sounded dumber. And yes, this is my artistic best. I sucketh. However, it gives you an idea of WAYNEJOE's looks. I shit you not.

And he was soooo pissed at me. He was even more pissed when I handed him a ten and not the $1.10 required amount.

He continued to look back at the iron bar and my truck and snapped out bills from the register to give me back my change. He took his sweet time, I am sure thinking his slowness was going to piss me off because I wanted to continue on my way and most often the troll bridge dudes are fast.

Ha! I didn't care. I wasn't in a hurry. Sure, I was tired, but I wasn't in a hurry.

Looking at me with scorn in his eyes and a frown, he snapped back my change to me, making me reach for it, and pointed to the lane to my right. I mean to tell you, he talked to me with the highest disdain in his voice.

WAYNEJOE: Next time, Missy, take the WIDE LOAD lane.

Well, I knew his drift. However, he was a number one ASSHOLIO, so I took the opportunity to turn things around in my favor.

ME: Uh, excuse me, are you saying I am a fat lady. Because if you are making reference to my weight, then I am totally insulted. In fact, that really hurts my feelings because I am very sensitive about my weight. Also, with that insult, I would like to speak to your supervisor right NOW.

BUG: Mom, I think he was talking about the...

(I put up my hand to my polite and kind daughter who defends Trolls.)

WAYNEJOE: Uh, uh, no, mam. [calming and back peddling his grouchy ass] I was referring to the size of your vehicle and this lane size. Uh, uh. Sorry for the misunderstanding.

I stared at him in silence for a few seconds...and blinked A LOT.

ME: Ok. I knew that, WayneJoe. Next time, don't be such an asshat to people. Yes, I used the word asshat. I have wanted to use it on someone other than a criminal. I didn't hurt anything or cause a traffic problem by using your lane. Wear a damn smile.

WAYNEJOE: *blink*blink*

ME: And another thing...before I cancel my request to complain on you...

WAYNEJOE: Yes, mam?

ME: [in my deepest Elvis voice] Uh, thank you. Thank you very much. Love your hair.

WAYNEJOE: *crickets*

Yep, I am sure he will remember me for few days. You know what? I don't care. I hope he changes his attitude. Because of him, I dubbed the toll booth peeps as "troll" booth peeps. Oh, and another thing? What do the states do with all that damn toll booth money anyway? The roads suck and several rough areas and potholes about killed my Gold Beast. I know one thing, you can't drive in this state on bald tires or close to with these roads. Frickin' trolls, anyway!

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

The Harry Potter House

Bug and I fondly refer to our home as The Harry Potter House. As much as we talk about it, I'm sure it will be immortalized as such. It fits.

The first time she saw it and entered the foyer, she squealed with delight, "Mom, we have a Harry Potter closet!"

It was a relief to me because I thought something traumatic had happened and had had heart failure at her high pitch.

Girl drama.

I don't think boys squeal or scream.

Bug loves Hogwarts and has been fitting right in. She and I made plastic for her science fair project in the butler kitchen in true wizard fashion. I refer to it as "butler" because I'm Jeeves (demanding princess child)and it's small. But it's cozy and very metropolitan for a 1900s eatery. Someday Wizard Crashers is going to come and give me a gourmet 1900s Amish kitchen. However, I have been standing around Lowe's waiting for the cameras almost every day until the clerks kick me out. I'll keep trying. The greatest thing about customer service is they just have to smile and wave...and shoo me out nicely.

The Big O and Moose are finally settling in and making this their home. Moose, however, gets distracted from the "tree rats" I refer to as his "Boggarts." They take the form of a tree rat (squirrel) and torment him from limb to limb, sparking his greatest curiosity.  He psychotically chases them from window to window in the house. If it were summer, he would jump out a window to his impending doom in the yard below just to try to snatch one. Back and forth, up and down. He moves the blinds, the curtains, and stares...like relentlessly. I think he is either the greatest hunter or the dumbest dog. The jury is still out, but I do love him. I'm sure the Boggarts are oblivious to his lust, but none the less, it provides me with entertainment.

Big O...just watches him with disgust and sleeps. I am truly jealous of his life...eat, sleep, and poop. Sigh.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Duck Mutilation

Apparently the PoPo did not get the crime scene secured in time. Moose came back to have sex eat with his victim...or in this case eat his victim, just like any good serial killer would. Ok, I'm really bored and tired of unpacking boxes. I was trying to make like a civilian and blow a good homicide out of proportion and create some good stories to tell my kids. Guess, I will go back to trying to get out of my path house dilemma.

Duck Carnage

In other news...Moose got bored while I unpacked boxes. I looked up just in time to see him swallow the guts (squeaker). I can't wait for him to shit out plastic. I wonder if his farts will squeak. Anyhow, I'm off to investigate this homicide. I might outline him in white chalk just for fun. Poor ducky.

Witness Protection

I don't really recall the last time I lived in a true neighborhood...must have been when I was in Minnesota. Most of the neighbors are elderly and keep to themselves. The "townfolk" have been very kind and friendly, but have no idea I'm the "new girl." Bug has been fitting into her new school very well and LOOOOVVES it, which is more than I could ask for. Last night she asked me some questions, probably worried her mother was going to turn into a hermit.

BUG: Mom, why don't you go introduce yourselves to the neighbors.

ME: *blink*blink*

BUG: I'm serious.

ME: I like being anonymous right now until I figure everyone out.

BUG: Oh, mom. What are you afraid of?

ME: People.

BUG: Mom, you are so weird.

ME: Well, I'm used to living on a ranch or in the country without neighbors and far away from any neighborhoods. The last time I recall being this close to living next to people and not cows was when I was in college...and I was drunk most of the time.

BUG: *blink*blink*