Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...

Friday, June 7, 2013

Define Me

My friend, GunDiva, sent me a link to a blog with some cop language on it and I started rolling with laughter. I will give you the link...The Graveyard Shift...and you can read the post, "The Language of Police: Cop Slang." I really did chuckle. Bravo, Lee Lofland. Cops get cops.

I also chuckled because parts of the United States have different cop slang. I messaged back to her that I thought a lot of the cop slang in the post was from the 60s. She challenged me to throw in some Fargo Verbage. I'm not so sure my slang is keyed into the rest of the world. So here goes...

Waterboarding...duh, everyone in America knows what this is now. It's when you take a piece of plywood, get on the North Platte River, and ride the waves over the city of Casper wave park. The CIA totally stole that from me.

Rubber Hose Treatment...it's during a drought and you have to hook up all the hoses to all the outside spigots and turn on the sprinklers. The lawn loves it. In the Investigations unit...in the 60's it's similar to the phone book treatment.

Window Licker...a waste of a human being with not much intelligence,  annoys the cops, an air thief...and for awareness sakes...that might be seen in the passenger seat licking windows for entertainment or out of habit. They are never the driver.

Bam!...not from Emeril. It's when a cop arrests a rotten criminal after a pursuit, slaps the cuffs on after a tackle, jumps up, throws the gang sign, yells, and proudly cheers their work. It's a lot like calf roping with hand signals. I think they might have used this in 21 Jump Street. Or at least a similar version.

Rolling Dirty...driving around in the ghetto, acting calm, cool, with shades on, in a patrol car listening to street rap, some Eminem, and my favorite song, "FTRFU".

Fargo Flick...literal sense-when you make the cop so made, you get a forehead flick to reset. In Fargo sense...it's when I get the jump on you, twist your words to defeat you, make you look stupid.

Fuck Me In The Ass. (FMITA)..not ever to be taken in the literal sense. It's a really bad moment of refection.

Chimo...MO...child sex offender.

Lunch money kid...a kid that just doesn't get it and probably had his lunch money stolen in school and never defended himself. Cops must defend them because they are dangerous and cannot defend themselves.

Prostitot...a teenager dressed like a woman of the night and showing all her naughties.

The Joint...not of the marijuana sense or weed variety...state penitentiary.

The Clink...the county jail.

Hoosegow...local jail.

Murdercycle...a motorcycle, likely to end up in the riders' demise. Does not fair well with cars.

Bling bling...Fargo handcuffs.

Bracelets...Fargo handcuffs.

*head dashboard*...Fargo training moments of despair.

*blink blink*....REALLY?

Christmas Tree Lights...lights on top of the police car in the ON position.

g-ride...patrol car of the fast variety. Derived from a "ghetto ride."

ghettohood...neighborhood located in the ghetto.

trailerhood....trailer park neighborhood. Two or more trailers.

banana hammock...not the dreaded clothing craze. Fargo using a banana peel to shine her boots in front of the Captain.

The Pen Is Mightier Than The Sword...an affidavit  of criminal charges will do more justice to a criminal than shooting him/her. Well, in theory.

Tune in another day for the next episode of "Define Me". What phrases do you remember from the Fargo days? Which one was your favorite?


Well Seasoned Fool said...


Ms. A said...

The one I remember the most, is the one you use frequently. (FMITA) Which still shocks me, coming from such an intelligent, attractive person.