Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Ego Booster

For some reason the night temps dropped to a perfect medi-awesome about 9:00PM. I worked out in the yard briefly before getting some last minute things done. At midnight-ish, I went for a nice jog in the country and was dive bombed by fire flies. Let me tell you, it was my first real experience (not pretend stuff in cophood) with war. I don't know how many times I did the duck and roll, thankful for my life. It must have been Eminem. I kept up with the beat to Superman, Lose It, and Business. Oh, how I've missed my Eminem and other rap. I have been listening to it when I work out so it keeps me jazzed. Makes me miss rolling dirty in the streets, just a little.

As luck would have it, I have already attracted the only single men in town. One creeps my store often and I smile and shoo fly shoo. One cries and tells me his problems. I don't have Kleenex at the store. I don't believe in it.

The others are nice, but I am by no means interested in ANY. I think the thought of a man right now makes me run into a corner and pee my pants. This is unusual behavior for even me. I must need therapy. I do enjoy fishing and shooting and all that jazz that men like that women usually don't care for, except farm fresh girls like me. I really miss the camaraderie of my male coworkers without all the sexual overtones. I hate sexual overtones. I just like to be nice and friends, no touchy touchy. And so I find myself kind of lonesome. The woman are great, but are in their 70s and my young friends are busy with summer projects or married with family events.

Crazy town. It's fun, though. I do enjoy the newness of it.  I did drive out the famous good looking Playah without a second glance when he came into my store all smiles and Hollywood. I don't think he liked the fact that I snarled and didn't pay attention. It's funny now how I am so good at picking up on Playahs and con artists. My snarl factor instantly goes up. I don't know what is going on, but I think it is my duty in life to drive them into the ground of rejection.  Lots of practice over the last few years of being the dope that Playahs sucked up by their charms and then crushed has made me tougher and smarter. Thanks for that all you assholes out there. You know who you are.

I just want to sing that song, "Why Can't We Be Friends?"  However, men take all that the wrong way, too, and think no means yes.  Silly boys can't just be friends with a girl. Very frustrating. It's a genetic problem.

So I was in an accident the other day. It was my fault. Coming from the divorce attorney's office, I ran over the top of a young man's ghetto ride. It was actually nice for one of those. He didn't have insurance or a driver's license and I was surrounded by homeless men. A Vietnam Vet rescued me from the homeless beat down I was about to receive as they shouted at me for running over the dude. It was a 10 mile an hour crash, but with the Gold Beast, his Chevy was a Yugo. No one was hurt, thank God. The police officer that showed up was very kind and asked me what happened. I told him it was my fault. The crash investigation took about an hour or longer. He was very kind. It came into the conversation that I was a former cop and we chatted longer than most would over a simple accident report. It was nice to ham it up with a fellow officer. He caught me by surprise when he asked me...

COP: Where were you coming from down here in this neighborhood? Lost?

ME: No. I came out of my divorce attorney's office and I was upset. I should have pulled over and got my head on straight.

He asked me who my attorney was and I told him. I asked him if the man was a good one. He said he would do a good job and if I didn't like him, he would recommend one and to just call the station and ask for him. As we were departing, he turned to me and said,

COP: You know he is the stupidest man in the world, right?

ME: What?

COP: Your husband. You are so beautiful. I mean it. When I saw you I noticed you. He is an idiot. Just remember that when you are ready there will be many men lined up waiting for you. And I mean a lot. Be picky. Take your time and find yourself first. You have to find yourself. This happens to a lot of us in the job. It's a hazard of the job. I was divorced once, too. It will take months, maybe over a year or more, but you will be OK. You will be loved by the right man. You are very beautiful. Inside and out. I can tell in our short time together here.  Remember that and believe it. If I wasn't married, I would be the first in line.

I was not expecting that kind of conversation. It was flattering and I probably needed to hear something nice after the beat down I had had over the last two years. From 2011 to now, I really lost myself and any good thoughts about who I am. Although, I had already started to work on finding myself...not the one in the mirror...but my OTHER self, that was a boost. Then I felt schooled by my own cop crap. Funny I thought that and he turned and said at the end...

COP: And I'm not just telling this to you to get down your pants or giving you the cop thing. I mean it.

ME: [giggle] Good thing. I threw my pants away so no man could NOT go there again. Don't you need to write me a ticket?

COP: For what?

ME: [smiling] Thanks. I appreciate that.

COP: Go find yourself and let all that he ever told you or however he treated you disappear. And don't let any man do that again.

ME: Gotcha.

Aunt Sue...were you in Muncie disguised as a cop?

I will say this about Midwest men. They are gentlemen. They treat a woman well when they are sincere or they want to get down your pants.

Anyone find Fargo? Let me know where she's at.


Bossy Betty said...

Absolutely loved this post AND I loved that you were sent this angel (I know--couldn't it have been without the accident?) One of the best responses I got to the news of my divorce was "He is an idiot for leaving you." Made e feel so good!

Hang in there, Mama F. Drive carefully. The porch light is on somewhere.

Masshole Mommy said...

Oh I like shooting juuuust fine. Chris and I go to the range for date nights every once in a while.

Rory Bore said...

What a lovely gentleman! If I wasn't already married to one in blue myself, I'd be sure to come speeding through your town!
Life is so beautiful and wonderful, sending us just what we need, just when we need it.
loved this.

Coffeypot said...

I took a cop to tell you that before you would listen. I've told you the same thing several times, but... I'm not a cop. But listen to him.

Oh! And where did you throw the panties? Next time, just mail them to me.

GunDiva said...

That sounds remarkably like something a certain favorite former cop friend of mine might have said if she was giving advice to someone in your situation.

Wow, that's crazy twisty.

But you speak GunDiva, so you'll probably figure out what I was trying to say.

Jewells said...

O--M--G!!!! I do believe that you just met an angel who was there to tell you what you needed, when you needed it, in a way that you needed it, and in a form (as a cop) that you would be open to! Lucky girl! Once the shock of that little bit of awesome wears off remember to be feel blessed. I know that others of us over time have said the same thing to you...maybe this little interaction will help you to start to see what we see in you and most of us have never met you.

Sending you TONS of love Momma! xoxo

GunDiva said...

BTW, Mr. Mathers is releasing a new album next month :)

gowestferalwoman said...

* big sh*t eating possum grin on my face*

yep. what he said ;D