Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...

Friday, July 5, 2013

Brain Freeze

Do you  know what the hardest thing to let go of is when you try to decompress back into normal society, being a former cop?

1. Training your brain to look at time in non-military fashion. Ugh.
2. Stop looking at license plates. Look up.
3. Do not react with excitement like an ambulance chaser when lights and sirens pass you.
4. Do not accost the neighbor kids when they are outside playing. Getting used to neighbors has been a challenge.
5. Being secure without your bullet proof vest in the car.
6. Not talking about police work in the present tense.
7. Stop eating donuts.
8. Shying away from practical running shoes or man shoes.
9. Clothes shopping in the "detective attire" section.
10. Letting my hair down and curling it. I still associate the hair down thingy with casual weekend looks.

*11. Stop looking at names with police phonetics. John-Ocean-Nora-Edward-Sam

What I am not letting go of...

1. Safety and being alert.
2. Having a bazillion guns and all the ammo a girl desires.
3. Hiding guns everywhere and strategically placing hickory sticks, knives, and other weapons for defense.
4. Fun shooting...and blowing things up. Of course, for blowing things up...now I have to have a police escort, but it is funny how cops help out old cops.
5. Ninja skills training. Now I just use my daughter and her friends.
6. Walking down alleys at night and owning them. I think the locals think I am crazy, but I am not afraid. Suck it, alley dwellers! I like the dark!
7. Being tidy and proper with my looks, house, and yard. I cannot grow a beard. I cannot dress like People Of Walmart unless I am undercover...shopping for fish (pets).
8. I hate bars. I still can't sit down and have a beer at a bar. I don't like them. I can enjoy a pub and grill place or a quaint brewery restaurant, but I hate meat markets.
9. Wanting to help everyone. I get to walkaway now, but I feel guilty. I cannot pass an old lady without walking her across the street.
10. Picking up litter. I despise litter. When Sheriff Mike and I went hiking, my backpack was full of the crap. I wanted to fish a tire out of the creek, but it was too gross even for me. After about 30 minutes, he was picking up trash and helping me. I told the park rangers they were slackers and I am writing a letter to the state about the litter on the one set of trails. Disgusting and disgraceful.

*11. Torturing young children. I walked over a covered bridge (historical-built in 1884) and they threw rocks up which hit the floor I was standing on and giggled. I had to sneak around and go under the bridge to scare the crap out of them. I had more fun at their screams than a kid in a candy store.

* Bonus extra credit


Coffeypot said...

And the proverbial dough nuts.

Slamdunk said...

I love it MF.

Since my transition occurred years ago I saunter through life almost half-blind. My hatred of bars, having to sit facing the door at restaurants, and constantly reading street signs so I know where I am on the spot will never go away.

Thanks for the laugh.

Wrexie said...

I like the bonus extra credit! hehehee

Allenspark Lodge said...

You're never going to let go of any of that stuff (except maybe the doughnuts) and you know it! Love you as the cop mom. You keep those dark allies safe!
Bionic Cowgirl