Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Scraping Bottom

After I ran the George Jones in my modern art motif pattern which really upsets the neighborhood as I do not mow and refuse to mow in straight lines...I opted to work on the outside of the house. I am Amish in disguise and refuse to get the old paint off the house any other way except by scraping and wire brush methods. Ok. That. And I'm cheap. And upper poor.

I was working away on the hottest day of the week like an idiot. The other days of the week were 75. I picked 83.

I was in my groove when my neighbor decided to step out on his porch and interrupt my progress. I call him Farquaad as his name is close to,  similar, but different to the Shrek character, Lord Farquaad. He looks just like him, however,  only bald.  So...picture Farquaad on his porch with cigar in hand, chiming my ass.

FARQUAAD: Fargo, why are you scraping your house with a garden hoe? Good night, you need a man.

ME: It's fast, easy, and I can run and reach high. Good workout. Next it's the wire brush. I do not need a man.

FARQUAAD: Well, you need to hire that done. I'm starting to feel sorry for you.

ME: Well, you could come help me.

FARQUAAD: I'm not feeling that sorry for you. I just can't look at you while you do that because the guilt will overtake me. Had to come outside and see what all the ruckus was about.

ME: It's me, the Princess, working like a peasant.

FARQUAAD: Why don't you hire that out? That's a lot of work and you are going to need a lift to get up to the top. You are not doing the ladder thing. That will cause me and the wife to have heart failure.

ME: I can't afford it. Have to do it the hard way.

FARQUAAD: Good night. It's just not right that you do that. It's just not right.

ME: I know. You recognize royalty when you see it, don't you? I need peasants!

FARQUAAD: You need something. I will say it's a pretty good job, even for a hoe.

ME: Thanks, Farquaad. That's why I love ya.


Allenspark Lodge said...

"it's a pretty good job, even for a hoe. "

He said WHAT!?!


Ms. A said...

I needed a giggle! Thanks!

Coffeypot said...

If you were a ho, you would have the work done for you. That's what ho's do. But you are royalty and so above that. And that is why I won't come and help. If I put that kinda time and effort in, I'M GETTING LAID.

Bob G. said...

Momma Fargo:
So what...you're like the Salvador Dali of lawn-mowing now?
(goes to show that 'ya learn something new every day)

And you just HAD to remind me about scraping and painting...thanks!

That neighbors sounds like a real hoot.

Scrape safe down there.