Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...

Saturday, November 30, 2013

Santa...Kris CrinkleToes..Talkin' 'Bout Sex, Baby

SHAZAM! Like that it appeared in my email today...

All huge like that, minus the red circle thingy.

Now...I am quoting this reader's question to the magazine. Don't laugh, but I think she is a virgin...

Q: I enjoy sex, but how can I tell if I'm really having an orgasm? I'm just not sure if I'm experiencing the ear-shattering type of orgasm that everyone talks about.
— Kristine, Washington
Well, Kristine, I might be the virgin, because I have never had my ears shattered during sex. Thank you, baby Jesus, that would really hurt and suck ballz, if I had any.
I could tell you the world stops for me and for a moment, I am in the most bliss anyone can imagine...my body shudders, my toes curl...I may scream...
But not the kind of scream from a Zombie Apocalypse attack. I also might hyperventilate, but in a good way, and not quite, but almost.
However, not to be outdone, but Dr. Laura Berman answered Kristine on Women's health. See that pretty blond up there, that's her. Here's what she told Kristine from Washington...
A:    Many people feel confused or intimidated by the images of sexuality they see on television or at the movies. The truth is that real sex looks nothing like the sex you see on the big-screen, just as real relationships are often nothing like the relationships you see on the big-screen. Don’t let these false images of love and sex take over your perception of how you “should” feel during sex or how your orgasms should feel.
However, if you aren’t certain that you have reached orgasm yet, than chances are you probably haven’t. Though every woman experiences orgasms in her own way, an orgasm feels like an intense and pleasurable release. You might feel the sensation only in your genitals, or you might feel it extend down your legs.

Take some time to explore your body on your own through self-stimulation. Once you know how to achieve orgasm on your own, it will be easier to show your partner how to do so. By stimulating your clitoris, either manually or with a toy, you should be able to reach orgasm — and when you do, you know for once and for all what one feels like!
Isn't it great up there? You can link to "ORGASM" and it defines it. Because I am so nice and helpful, I linked it to the same video and article I was provided. I really think Dr. Laura Berman gave a bland answer. And the scientific response is such a let down.
So...I asked some of my Facebook friends...
They are ANONYMOUS...thus, all related...and unknown to you...but I know who they are...
The first one I asked was a man..."... and as I Drive I'm certainly not answering that question." Notice he capitalized the word, "drive". Does that mean anything? I don't know. Am I reading too much into it as a woman? Probably. Did I excite him? Not sure, but he gave me a big "D" in the word "drive". I never heard back from him again so I hope he is alright and didn't run off the road.
The next one was female. Our convo went like this...
"If I could describe it, I'd be writing erotica

(Shut up, ***)

I mean, making a living writing erotica".

I just LOL'd all through the conversation. Why? Because I'm immature like that. Because we laugh talking boy shop. We get detailed. It was a three way convo minus the third gal who didn't come into the conversation, but we talked about her anyway, sorta. She's the three asterisks up there. We hang like that. Anyway, her final answer was this...

"Physical description...almost painful, but not quite. How about intense sensations, bordering on painful? And then the endorphins release and BAM!

Love the endorphin release. Sigh."

Yes. We get excited just talking about it. The real deal, not the fake ones.

The last buddy that got back to me was a man...one of my faves and yours...

"Pressure builds up and it is like a rush coming down the pike. Like a water hose and then the equation. Then you get a sandwich and take a nap."

I don't know. Does it matter what kind of sandwich? Like is a club better sex than a grilled cheese? And is a longer nap needed if it was a better orgasm? And what's up with the math? Equation? Again, not sure.

He said I could post his name for all he cares, but then we wouldn't all be related by the same name, ANONYMOUS.

No one else answered me. In time.

The story of my sex life.

Anyway, I am now ignoring my email, because I will surely get spam for phone sex, porn sites, and sex pots galore after reading that article on Women's Health. I don't know how I got subscribed to it anyhow, but it says so on 09/23/13. It's bullshit. I didn't push any buttons or click anywhere.  Probably someone spammed me on Facebook.

Is that the same thing as you know what in my face...no....not going there. That is nasty. And why do men find that appealing?  That's somebody else's blog post, Coffeypot! You were thinking it.

Now I have to go take a shower. We will not explore this again. Not even alone. No exploring!!!

Ok. Everything is coming out phallic or sexual. Beat me. See. Ok.

Have a nice day!





GunDiva said...

I'm sorry, but when I hit the big O, there is no energy for a sammich.

Shit...my parents read this blog.

I mean...

7th Voice said...

omg sandwich is not hard to pick out of a crowd.

Coffeypot said...

Any sammich will do, and it should have been eruption... like a volcano. Only the nerves are on edge and you almost freeze up. Then POW! The blood pressure is built to a peak and afterward the pressure drops fast and it will put a man to sleep whether he wants to or not. Cuddling = napping. signed, anonymous

Angelwithatwist said...

So you go to the anon ones and not the one who actually writes erotica I am crushed really.. no seriously crushed here..so now you have forced me to tell you here.
Her breaths came staccato like the sound of heels on a marble floor. She could hear his breath in her ear and the beads of sweat that appeared on her flushed skin. Her hips arched into meet his body with hers as she felt the pulse of her own heartbeat in the most sensitive of her areas, places where it normally isn't noticeable . He felt the rise in her temperature, felt the shift in her muscles as they tensed and her neck arched back and her back matched. His mouth found that sweet spot on her neck and kissed her as he felt every one of her muscles spasm around him. For her it was if someone simply lit her blood on fire and it ran the length of her frame, her breathing stopped in that instant, nothing in nothing out as she peaked. Her voice that of an animal as she cried out in that moment, it washing over her in a wave one after another until her body was limp like a rag doll in his arms. A small tear escaped her eyes as she lay trembling in after shocks and her face so flushed with blood and arousal she felt feverish. Her breath was the last thing to return as she could still hear and feel the strong loud thumping of her heart and she touched his face with her weak hand as his lips found hers once more.

You know not that I have any clue or anything.

Mad Jack said...

Well I got me a girl
she stands six feet tall
And the way she loves me
shakes the paint off the wall

- The Love Dogs

Old NFO said...

LOL, not EVEN going to touch that one... :-) I'll just sit over here and watch! :-D

Bob G. said...

Momma Fargo:

(no other way to splain it, dear)

That was just TOO damn funny, but oh, so informative.
(ANONYMOUS..."all related"...THAT alone was an epiphanic moment for me)
That reveals a LOT of what goes on in OUR ghettohood...lol.

Great post - thanks for the smile today.

Roll safe down there.