Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...

Friday, May 23, 2014

Sleep Deprivation Experiment #1

I am interrupting the general program about frisks and searches to bring you the latest kid experiment at the Harry Potter house. Bug had a 9 week science essay/book project that she began at the last minute. Mind you, I didn't know about it being due until Monday of this week. Needless to point out or emphasize, I was not happy about her procrastination. During the week, I told her once to get to working on it. She piddle diddled.

Enter-a back story on Bug as an academic child. She can't have bad grades. Why? Because she is an over-achiever and melts down. I do not put that much pressure on her, but I am somewhat glad she strives for A's and B's. Now, should she ever have gotten D's and F's, I would have a lot to say about that and not keen about being average either. Her dad and me have never had to crack down about how important school is and she naturally has become proud of her work on her own. Maybe it was osmosis. Anymethodofmadness, it's a no brainer for me, so score one for the parents.

Last night about 8:45 pm, I finished my trap shooting and came home to a child whom had stayed home to complete her homework project. I was talking to my mother on the phone when I heard Bug crying and as a somewhat concerned mother, I went downstairs. It was not the bantering scream of pain with drama coiling so I knew she was not injured. It was the drama shaking and kicking on the floor with sobbing type of crying. After asking her several times if she was alright, I had to disconnect early with my mother and tend to my child who needed drama mama love.

I immediately recognized it was a meltdown from the pressure of spinning her wheels on her project, but my mom was on the phone. I had to act like a concerned parent, not a laid back detective type who doesn't get excited much and rolls her eyes at kid drama or grits her teeth through it to prevent from going to jail. It must be hell to be my kid. Perhaps that is a drawback of being a cop parent.

So, after telling her to put her big girl panties on and tell me her issues, she got up and said she just needed a hug. She proceeded to say she could not do her project and was tired and wanted to go to bed, but she was far from being finished. Oh hell to the NO!

Yes, I mean, I gave her a good hug. Bed...no way.

Enter...the mother from hell.

ME: You are going to learn a lesson. You will stay up until this is completed. Sleep deprivation lesson.
BUG: I can't!
ME: You will! I will be on you like stink on skunk. You will know what it is really like to have a mental meltdown. I don't care if we are still up by 3 am.
ME: YES! Now get your big girl panties on and let's move it. If I type up your stuff, you will fold laundry, wash dishes, dust, vacuum, or something productive.
BUG: I am not going to make it! (stomp, whine, cry, ) I have to get a good grade!

Soon, it was all drama. At one point she started to constantly say she was tired and she couldn't do it.

ME: Suck it up. You are going to stay awake. Now glue these into your book. Let's go! This is a lesson to you. Maybe you won't wait until the last minute next time. I don't feel sorry for you. NOW MOVE IT!
BUG: I can't do this! I'm tired! I'm tired!

Yes, at 2:30 am, I lost it with the I'm tired and Fargo flicked her on the head and threw water in her face. I was on my best Army drill sergeant game. At least at that point of getting flicked on the forehead to stop her ranting of nonsense, she laughed. We continued.

It was short lived.

More tantrums. She fell asleep. I poked her. I poked her awake again. And again. She would just plop in the middle of gluing something and putting her book together. Then she said something really STUPID. Yes, STUPID. I was devastated.

In this book, she took time to draw very detailed and beautiful pencil sketches of each animal. I mean, I was very impressed. They are amazing. So here we get to stupid nonsense.

BUG: Mom, do you think my teacher will give me a bad grade and call me lazy because these animals are not in color? I didn't color them.

I can't begin to say what rattled in my head.

ME: Do not even utter those words. Your drawings are art and intricate. You took a lot of care to make those magnificent creatures come alive in your book.
BUG: But what if she does?
ME: Then your teacher is stupid and I will come unglued if that is a reason to mark down your work.
BUG: I just really think she might think I was lazy.
ME: GRRR. Stop it.

Ok. So no profound words of wisdom. Come on, it was almost 3 am. However, I did get my ways included in the book. Bug was too tired and laughed, but this morning she might be worried about what is in the narrative. I may have modified a sentence or two while typing into the early morning hours. Such sentences included inside:

"Rabbits live from 9-12 years old unless they are hit by a bus."

"Although, I have never seen a mountain lion other than in a zoo, my mom has seen several in Wyoming. One time, she watched one make off with her prized chicken."

"Possums have a unique defense of "playing dead" to protect them when they feel threatened. A local possum was especially realistic with this trick after my mom hit it with a shovel in our barn."

"Owls are very watchful and have a keen sense of vision and audio senses even when you think they are resting. They can turn their heads 270 degrees which is almost full circle just as my mom can when she is mad."

Yes, my child's homework got Fargoed.

She did stay up. AND I woke her up 3 hours later, me only getting 2.5 hours of sleep. She was thankful but very tired this morning. Mission accomplished.


Tennessee Grammie said...

How are we blessed with children who make Procrastination their theme song? Is it a knee-jerk reaction to our being SuperGetItDoneNOW mothers? Good job Fargo, but all bets are off that Bug won't procrastinate on a project again. My Graduate-Student-Dean's-List-child is still pulling all-nighters.

Our children had to get their Procrastination Gene from their sperm donors...

VandyJ said...

I've played task master to Turbo a time or two already. It's not a fun job but necessary. Hopefully this will help her become a more organized procrastinator. Procrastination is a skill that should be learned before college--last minute projects abound there.

Bob G. said...

Momma Fargo:
Cripes almighty...I think I just suffered a "flashback" to MY youth...LOL.

My Mom was the same way...SCHOOL FIRST...everything else SECOND.
(except for bathroom recon trips)

Those excerpts from the Bug Project are MARVELOUS (and most likely...TRUE!)

Well done (and I';m sure like you were).

Roll safe out there, dear.

Coffeypot said...

I've long nights like that in college. I have even worked all night and left for work without a shower or shave. Dam, I'm glad college is behind me.

Old NFO said...

LOL, not even 24 hours and you're whining??? Try 72 hours... At work... But you did right, and hope the lesson 'sticks'...

Allenspark Lodge said...

" A local possum was especially realistic with this trick after my mom hit it with a shovel in our barn."



Mrs. Mom said...

OMG.. LMAO!!!!!!!! Your edits...
*wiping eyes* lmao

Love you Fargo. LOVE! YOU!!! (And by extension, Bug too!)

MrGarabaldi said...

Hey Momma Fargo;

Sounds like you had the same thing with my son, he is the master procrastinator. If we didn't get hints from his teacher that a project was due, he would try to half-ass it and BS his way through it. I would want to pull my hair out or beat him.....The gnashing of teeth I would get when we would lean on him for a project. I keep telling him " if you would do it proper the first time, you would be done rather than waste more time and energy trying to get out of it.

Slamdunk said...

You are awesome. She may be adding Mountain Dew for any similar assignments in the future though. Older son has been good about not getting behind in stuff. His sister though may be a different story. I may bookmark this post for reference in 5 years.

Anonymous said...

Thanks.....I needed that !!!!

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry I'm laughing, but this was my son on EVERY damned assignment he ever had! He's still that way - FMITA!

Poor Bug - those hormones are hell. Give her a hug, have some chocolate, go for a run, then fuhgetaboutit!