Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...

Thursday, October 30, 2014


You know, if I had duct tape or a little lift, my boobs would be toward the sky and I would appear thinner instead of looking like I am pregnant when I tuck my boobs in my pants. I should not resemble a donut eating cop only in disguise as an old woman fighting gravity. Do you know when I Google "fat politician" that Chris Christie comes up in all sorts of images. How rude is that? I almost felt sorry for the guy. I think he is losing weight because he was told that no one would elect a fat president. Growing older isn't what it's cracked up to be. And why can't I be one of those girls with no boobs so I am always perky?

                                                              Photo credit: Pinterest

And speaking of Christie, I chuckled at him telling a heckler to sit down and shut up..LIKE.A.BOSS. That's right, Mushmouth, you been TOLD. I liked his follow up explanations and offers to the man as well. It's about time someone just gave it out there and shoots straight even if it comes across as abrasive or blunt.

Does it boggle your mind that Kaci Hickox is on a government standoff over a quarantine that just seems like common sense and routine to me? I can't help but think she isn't out for the good of the whole thing, but to make a historical moment, gain some fame, OR just be an overall difficult woman. It feels like Ruby Ridge without guns, but with germ warfare. I know that is extreme, but let me tell you...I. DON'T.GET.IT.    It's not imprisonment, it's a precaution. I commend all those who fight the good fight, but then you have to know the protocols when you come back. It's elementary.

Do you find it amusing Obama had this big hoopla speech last night and said a lot about nothing? Oh, except the peeps are heroes and more Ebola is coming to the US. Duh. Tell me something I don't know. He told me NOTHING but FLUFF.

Make.A.Effing.Decision.And.Stand.By.It. I am so frustrated. Put protocols into place. Abide or suffer. That's my rules. Yes, they are all heroes and I admire and commend anyone assigned or volunteering to fight humanitarian efforts, world epidemics, wars, etc. My heart goes out there. But when you come home, you have protocols if you have been exposed to things for the safety of yourself and others. It's not prison. I'll show you prison. Actually prison is probably a cakewalk compared to a quarantine. NO! I am joking. Quarantine is not punishment. It is just procedure. And the President said nothing. I watched the television FOREVER waiting to him to say something about protocol and slam down the gavel. Peshaw. I decided I would read it online later. And still NOTHING!!!


Speaking of weenies...My daughter has been coming home eating everything in sight like a gluttonous teenager and my first reaction last night was Whiskey-Tango-Foxtrot. This was before the horrible reflex catastrophe. I asked her why she was like this and was she eating her school lunch. Do you know what she said," Mom, we don't get much to eat at school anymore. It's because of Obama. Michelle Obama." I snorted water out my nose. Ok. Here is my question...Is that her conclusion drawn from the new lunch program? Or is she hearing that from school administrators? 


Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Mishap At The Harry Potter House

Moose is hogging the bed. He comforts me.

Bug came up to me in attempts to scare the wits out of me. In instinct, I reacted. Nice strike to Bug's face. I sit in anticipation of tomorrow's visit from the Popo. She cried and then we laughed. I am not sure if I broke her nose.

I asked her what she learned. She cried. I said, "That your old slow mom still has super secret Ninja skills and you should not attempt to sneak up on her?"

She cry laughed, "yeah."

I feel so small. Is it possible to be the size of minutia?

Slopping Hogs

Facebook is full of fun.

Why? Because I can poke little things out there to stir up the masses.

For instance, I have several friends who are very far left wingers. I'm a middle ground player but they might think of me as a right winger...or maybe not. Several of my friends have been posting things about Sarah Palin and making fun of her if she decides to run for President in 2016. I would not even support the issue. I don't dislike her as a person-I don't know her- I just don't think she has a head for running our nation. I would go hunting and fishing or jogging with her any day...but support her in running our country...no way.

So anydebate, her friends were putting jabs out there which were only nasty comments and slides rather than really getting to the meat and potatoes of the whole thing. Sure, they think she is a wing nut, but they were just being mean rather than talking about the political issues a candidate needs to tackle and what she lacked or had knowledge of. They were going on and on as if she had the support and nomination. So...I said she would not have the backing and no one wants to support a losing candidate. I was told I was wrong and had it all backwards, that it was like a nut shell game. I agreed with the fact that no one wants to back a NOT winning candidate.

What do we know about Palin? History tells a lot, although people can change. The problem is if it is genuine. Behavior. Experience. Knowledge of foreign politics. I guess I think of her as a television commentator and I can't take her seriously as a Presidential candidate. I wonder how many people cringe when she speaks on some topics they believe she has no to little understanding. I may have a different view of her than some. I have read her books, I researched a lot of her political views and platforms when she was a running mate with John McCain. Everything she did was not all bad and the media did and still does pick on her or inaccurately portrays some things. She definitely is a soccer mom type who hunts and fishes. This part of her sent out sympathy from me because would they view a woman from an isolated town in Wyoming much the same if she changed her own tires, killed her dinner, and fished for appetizers out of a stream. Accent? Of course if you don't sound like a dry news anchor, you will be made fun of and isn't it funny how southern politicians with thick drawls get a slide, but Alaskans don't? Is it because she comes from a land so different that they aren't REALLY classified with the rest of the 48? What if she plucked raspberries from her garden? Oh, my! A woman Presidential candidate who can cook, clean, ride a horse on the range, and fixes hot dog! Tell me it isn't so! I guess one thing you have to give her credit for...she and her family got publicly flogged and they kept fighting back. Yes, I have a little respect for that. I don't think she is the right material for politics. 

Another friend of mine and of hers posted that according to the logic "here", that if Hillary was any kind of woman, there would be no need for Monica Lewinski. That got me rolling...spit coffee all over the place.

I think it is pointless to argue with these folks or even post my thoughts about the matter because a Republican trying to voice themselves or attempting to have a sounding box on a left wing post is grounds for stoning. I'm sure the same is true in reverse. And people are so steadfast in their ways even if you agree with them...if you are of the other side...it has to be a strategy ploy.

When Democrats are calling someone a "wing nut" or "crazy" perhaps it isn't the best atmosphere to have a serious debate and I should just leave it alone. But I can't help it! I think they taunt me.  I did not even put my two cents in what I think of evil Hillary and why would anyone support a mean woman like that who would not bat twice to play dirty pool politics... OK. I will stop. But I can't! I have grounds for my views and I have back door experiences during the Clinton presidency. And Hillary was already president once, she shouldn't get to play in the sandbox twice. Ok. Enough with the puns.

It's just like the cop haters on news feeds. I have to put my little jabs of common sense out there. It is amazing how many likes you get when you make sense. There is a smile and a warming of the heart. I just got validated! So what if there are only 26 "common sensers" and 1,345,657 "haters" on a page?It's a movement! I should have been a hippie.

On the slamming of Palin, I followed up with the fact that I stood by my ground I didn't think Sarah Palin would get nominated because the majority of Republicans do not support her as a presidential candidate and all this is obvious after the last fiasco. It is how I feel. I think they need some prime meat in the stew, otherwise the Republicans are all going to be tossed out the window as slop for hogs.

Photo Credit: Ballotpedia.com

So here is a list in no particular order except I believe it was designed by a Democrat because they are in no particular sensical hierarchy except for HILLARY CLINTON IS ON THE TOP LINE in their row. Puhlease. Might I just say, could we confuse people any more with the names like Rand Paul and Paul Ryan? Is the last the first or the first the last. Yikes. What were their parents thinking?

So do any of these look good? Which ones are you watching?

Are you sick of politics yet? We still have 2 more years of this!

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Wiggle, Wiggle, Wiggle

Photo Credit: Pinterest

It is raining here today. Ugh. I needed to mow the rest of my lawn. Lord Farquaad mowed my front lawn and I thanked him. What a sweet dude! He said, "I was hoping you wouldn't give me heck and I'm sorry if I made you mad, but I thought I might as well since I was on a roll! You shovel snow for me and do so much in the winter that I thought I could mow that grass." It warmed my heart.

Something new I experienced from living in the "big" city is the big sucker thing machine vehicle for leaves. You know, a person could be sucked up into that thing. It looks like a giant night crawler. It's crazy. I never had those in the country. Besides, in Wyoming, the wind just blew them away. Who raked?

                                             Photo Credit: Town of South Windsor, CT

Dialogue with Lutheran minister was wonderful...off to the worship service on Sunday where I will later talk about youth opportunities. Maybe it will redirect my yoot's attitude.

Yes, I must repair the barn windows before winter. I am in a rush now. I am going to make Bug help me. She will roll her eyes and be difficult to which I will respond with a proper brooming or something. Are all mothers viewed by teenage daughters to be witches?

It's just me. I know. I am an anomaly.

Monday, October 27, 2014



POSSUM: [run scurry]

ME: [stomp, stomp, stomp]

open door to house.


BUG: What?

ME: You broke the windows in the barn.

BUG: No I didn't.


                                                                 Photo credit: Pinterest

ME: Yes, you did. Do not lie. You broke the windows while playing volleyball in the barn.

BUG: They were like that when I got here.

ME: I am going to so beat you. Look. Look outside.

BUG: There is no glass inside the barn so I didn't break it.


ME: You are just digging yourself a hole by continual lying. We have talked about this.

BUG: Well, they were old. I cleaned it up.

ME: I can't even talk right now. Go do some laundry, dishes, and pretend to be Cinderella while I cool down.

BUG: Why?

ME: Because it is not a good day for me to go to jail.

BUG: OK. Got it.

                                                          Photo credit: Pinterest

)*^#%)*#&$#*$)@#*&_@#(*$&)@#$      Isn't type cursing so great? I'm still mad. More mad about the lies. I wonder if I could get Bubba soap hand me downs from prison to wash her mouth out. Nah. She would get diseases. But...I could tell her that is where I got it. Nah. That would be a lie, too.

#)*$^)#*&$)*#@&$)@*#$&*&#)$*&(*#      It isn't real cursing if it's symbols, right?


Quandary: a state of perplexity or uncertainty over what to do in a difficult situation.

Thank you for all the responses so far on Swiss Cheese. It has been enlightening to get every one's input and thoughts. Here are some things for me to clarify about myself since I think I left holes or questions. First, may I say, I have inquired with a pastor at an ELCA Lutheran church nearby. I am also involved in a dialogue with my current minister. Bug and I have thought perhaps we might continue to go to adult Bible study (Wednesdays) at the current church and help out in the activities when needed, but progress toward the other for youth opportunities and worship. It's a thought. Bug is the only yoot at our current church. Plus, I guess we are used to communion every Sunday, the Lord's Prayer, Nicene Creed, Apostle's creed, sharing the peace, confirmation classes, and other church activities. We miss those things.

A) It's funny how when I was first a cop, I never lied. I never even omitted things to anyone. I had a lieutenant tell me I would never make it as a cop if I didn't use the tricks of the trade. I defied his orders for a long time. He was right, actually. I was ineffective with the bigger thugs. Then, I viewed it as an act. I was an actor going into the interview room and the one who played the game the best won. That was literally ineffective as well. In 2003, I found my way to being a very effective interrogator and interviewer. I did lie sometimes. Sometimes I used props like face videos, audios, or evidence which really wasn't found in order to sway the bad guys' thoughts and often it would be effective in getting a confession. Did I feel good about it? No, not at first. Later, it didn't bother me. I don't think that is a good thing. I think it posed a conflict with me, but I just kept keeping on. I put a lot of bad guys in jail. We also saved a lot of children. In that sense, I can only ask God's forgiveness. Is that wrong to celebrate those achievements, knowing how they were accomplished? I did nothing illegal. I did nothing wrong in eyes of the court. However, was it against God's law? Yes. 

B) Halloween-American Octoberfest.  Thank you, Russian Bear. That is how I have tried to describe things to the pastor, but he disagrees. It has ended up with him heated and angry and me deflated, Bug sad. I guess that is how it goes.

C) When I talked about politics in church, I should have expanded. I attend Bible study once in a while and I go there to study the Bible, the book. Often, it gets interrupted for their views of election favorites, judging only on the candidates Christian background and bringing up other world political topics. Now, some of this is just going to cross over because of Christian organizational efforts around the world and the conflict in the middle east. ISIS has been brought up every time. I can live with that. What wears on me is when I walk away from Bible study with no discussion or study on the book itself. This is something I am bringing up to the minister. I have tried in the past, but there are a couple that just go off on tangents and you can't stop them. Bless their hearts.

D) As far as gay rights. I don't think we exclude them from church if we are to love our neighbor. I also think condemning them loudly by pounding on the podium is awful and hateful toward them. Why would they attend church? At one time it was classified as deviant behavior by modern medicine and has since been taken out of that definition.   I love my gay friends. I also believe in the Bible. Yet, how can I do both? They are who they are. So here is the dilemma--you can't change a gay person's sexual orientation. That is who they are. It is God's place to judge. So if you preach to them every Sunday to try to "fix" them or "change them", you are going to completely alienate them. What do you do? 

E) Criminals in church, sex offenders in youth groups.  I don't advocate for any sins-big or small. However, we cannot exclude the people who sin from church. That is why they are there. They bring in homeless people and people fresh out of jail and do not preach to them every Sunday about crime, alcoholism, or whatnot. Sure, some specifics get brought up from time to time when it applies to the sermon or the story in the Bible. I just think you alienate someone when EVERY sermon targets that particular sin. It's like every sermon lately has been to denounce Halloween. That is why we didn't go last Sunday. I didn't want to hear it again. Maybe I'm wrong about that. 

F) I actually persuaded my church to protect the children and itself from liability during youth activities, VBS, and church camps, that they should do background checks on chaperones and teachers. They did not hesitate. I was proud of this. I also did some training with them so it would not appear to be offensive to any parishioner. No one disagreed and all was and has been well. 

G) Confirmation classes. I want Bug to go through confirmation classes and she has been asking about that and youth activities. If she is embracing those things, I don't want to deprive her of it. I want to give her the opportunities which our current church does not have. 

H) The water into wine thingy with the minister. This is something I don't agree with his interpretation. I also agree Jesus would not lead us to sin. I don't think drunkenness is good at all. I also do not have a problem with the minister not drinking any alcohol. It just gave me a sinking feeling that the story in the Bible was changed to fit someone's belief and not really how God intended or at least how I was brought up and how I learned the same story. Maybe I am also wrong about that. 

The other stuff is work mixing in with my Christian beliefs. I am really getting worn down on being politically correct to the point that we allow foreign students to disrespect the American flag or don't take action when they do things that are illegal or display dangerous behavior. That is the cop and the Christian in me. 

Sunday, October 26, 2014

Swiss Cheese

I've been having a rough time of sorts lately and I am getting hit by all sides.

I have many questions.

If you have stuck around here long enough, you would know I am a Christian. I belong to the E.L.C.A. Lutheran church. After moving away from Wyoming, I have attended a nondenominational church which is fundamental Christian. I did this in hopes of going to a church close to home since ELCA was a farther drive and I am upper poor. So below are my dilemmas.

Here goes. I am ready for some rock and roll. Let the opinions fly!

I believe in treating all people with respect and dignity...all walks of life.  If you permeate that Golden Rule by treating me like crap, I might treat you as you treat me. I have friends who are Muslim, Jewish, gay, black, white, yellow, red, purple, green, Republican, Democrat, American and foreign.

My steadfast heart of rights is being challenged in this church and I feel I might need a separation. Bug is also questioning things. We feel we are constantly being preached to and degraded. Below is the basis to this...

1) Leviticus. Several times, the minister will preach about being gay and how sinful it is. In Levitcus, gays were slain. Obviously, this is a conflicting moral dilemma. Do we kill people because they are gay? It's a hate crime in most states and a murder in all of them.

I believe a sin is a sin, no matter how big or little. I don't agree with everyone's life choices, lifestyles, religious beliefs, moral decisions, immoral decisions, political platforms...etc. I am sure there are several people who do not agree with me either. BUT...it doesn't mean I condemn them for it. It also doesn't mean I won't fight for what I think is right. I guess I was forced to be Switzerland in so many instances in law enforcement, that I became the country and I look at things through a different lens. At the same time, police often made judgments. What is right and what is wrong? And why? Or were we just called peacemakers and all that judgy stuff goes out the window?

Blessed is the peacemaker.

2)Shall not eat meat which is unclean. This is in reference to pork. My family are pig farmers for Pete's sake. Which one of us is going to give up bacon? Isn't it true pork is acceptable protein in most instances. I do know many Jews and Muslims who refuse to eat anything with pork. I also know at work, we have to provide vegan and pork free alternatives to honor all religious and personal choices. I asked this question of the change in the fact that many Christians eat pork and posed it in church and got, "I don't know."

3)Thou shall not lie. Police lie and use trickery all the time in law enforcement in order to find truth and fight evil. Well??? Is this not sinful?

4)Halloween. I love Halloween and not because I practice Paganism or demonic resurrection or black magic. It's a secular holiday and I was raised it was just a costume party of treats and games. I do know the extent of all the history in Celtic and German culture, Pagans, and Christian Reformation of the day. I am so worn out by it being brought up every Sunday as "the devil's holiday" and the fact if you attend any haunted houses, corn mazes, or decorate...you are the devil's spawn and condemned. In fact, this topic was so predominant in church, several of the congregation were getting up raising their hands to the sky and yelling "amen" each time the minister said Christians who "practice" Halloween and believe it is harmless are rudely mistaken and sin. Now, are there those kids who vandalize and use the holiday for mischief and evil? Yes. Is it the norm? I don't think so. I think most adults make it a costume party. The minister also went on to talk about how adults use the holiday for a drinking fest. Well, getting drunk is not good for anyone. Have I done it before? Yes. In my college youth and some of my cop days, I drank too much. I have a very different view of it now.

(5) I like The Walking Dead and sometimes I like to watch horror flicks. It does not mean I practice nor condone evil, black magic, or summoning the dead. Yikes. Apparently, I am being frowned upon by this entertainment viewing.

(6)All political parties aside...we are not talking of my liberal conservative thoughts or my conservative liberal thoughts. These are things in my heart. If we want to delve in politics...we will be here all day.

(7) Oh, and in one sermon, the minister suggested that when Jesus turned water into wine, it was actually grape juice and that when it wasn't consumed fast enough, it went rancid and fermented, thus, became a drink of evil. He goes on and on how evil drinking alcohol is and he goes on and on how he has never drank a drop of alcohol. He even suggested one drink leads to drunkenness.

I'm starting to believe I don't belong here, although I love many of the parishioners and they are kind people.

It's funny how many people have brought up the fact if Democrats are liberals, they are non-Christian and if you are Christian you are Republican. SUCH A mis-statement. This makes me angry. Don't go there.

But if  a sin is a sin, why are Christians weighing so hard on gay legislation? Because of the Bible? Why is it OK to eat pork now? Aren't we to love one another...love thy neighbor? Why is it OK for cops to use trickery or lie to fight evil and do good?

It might be argued both ways...(1) it is a civil rights violation and what does it hurt those who do not believe? (2) just because I support gay rights does not mean I practice their lifestyle. I just think all should be treated equal. Call me a gay lover. Yep. I love gays because they are my neighbor. I bet they don't condone all my sins, but treat me as a human with equal rights. (3) I don't understand the Muslims and all their beliefs, but I don't think they should be made to eat pork. I don't think Christians should be killed because of their beliefs here or there or any country.

I also see a lot of problems in the international realm with other cultures condemning Americans, but taking advantage of our educational system. And why are they here? Why would you get a college degree from people you despise? And why do we take their money? Why do we allow them to disrespect our flag? Why do we work so hard not to offend anyone? Ok. Getting way far off the mark.

Here is another issue. I truly loved being involved in the church activities and attending because of the tranquility, peaceful worship, and singing. Now I fear it has turned into a political platform every time I attend. It also feels I get drilled for not being in church every Sunday and Wednesday.

Maybe I need to suck up the gas bill and go find an E.L.C. A. Lutheran church.

And so we sit here, missing morning church, debating on whether or not to attend this evening or go seek out a new church. Maybe I secretly hope for world peace.

Can anyone help me make sense of these questions without hating on Christians or hating on others? In other words...a reasonable voice from Switzerland? Ok. You know me. I'll take all views. Hopefully I can make sense of the confliction in my heart and in my head.

Friday, October 24, 2014


Marathon Revamp Week 1 has proved to be a hum dinger. I feel energized, however, going into a race tomorrow. It should be a beautiful fall day and the course is through the woods and over the hill to grandmother's house. I have not weighed myself yet, so I am not sure if any weight loss has occurred. This week I incorporated a lot of Pilates which I enjoy, but they don't like me. I'm a bull in a china closet, but perhaps I will get more graceful as we go.

Bug was in a great mood today and my morning started off the right way. Moose, however, was a PIGGLE. That is the word for the day. He put his face in his dish and scarfed down his food while growling and turning circles, guarding his gold from humans. He did the same thing with his water. I'm not sure if he thought he was in prison and he had to eat fast and defend himself against the thugs. It was strange. When Otis was alive, they used to compete and I had to separate them. Perhaps, Otis was in the room in spirit, taunting him.

New near south word of the day: knowingk-spelled: k-n-o-w-i-n-g, having knowledge.

Happy Friday!

Thursday, October 23, 2014

You Don't Know Your Words

ME: Uncle Alex is working in the field. Combining beans. The harvest is later there than here this year.

BUG: Speak right. It's COLUMN-BINE, Mom. Not COM-BINE. You sound like you don't finish your words. You don't know your words!

ME: It's COMBINE. COMBINE. COMBINE. Columbine is a flower or a school in Colorado.

BUG: NO IT ISN'T. It's a tractor which cuts crops.

ME: Whatever. What are you, two? Google it.


Yes, I stooped to their level. I was so childish!!!!!

Deck The Halls

I'm starting to feel my age.

Oh, not by the working out thingy because that has always made me feel 25 right after the workout and 80 the day after.

This is what I want for Christmas:

Oregon Scientific Weather Station-Cabela's

I'm pretty sure this is something my 95 year old grandfather would think is pretty cool. I know my dad would have jumped for joy if he had gotten this for Christmas.

Garmin Forerunner GPS watch and tracker-Amazon

Not sure anyone I know would think this watch is pretty cool. 

Now in all seriousness, to me, Christmas is all about being with family and the magic of the time and its Christian meaning. I love electronics and big televisions but I just can't justify anyone spending that. 

The holiday season is not about these nice items above. 

                                                           Photo credit: Pinterest and Fargo

One of the nicest things that happened to me recently was the computer guy at work told me if I trade him some of my trail mix (THANK YOU, MOM!) he will come fix my Sony TV which went out a year ago. 

Or how about the good Sheriff Mike who fixed some things around the house for me and only accepted a home cooked meal. 

See...now that is what it is all about.

We don't do extravagant big things for gifts and these two things would be considered as such. It's about sharing, love, and giving (not necessarily gifts). I already have my Coats for Kids done and a canned food drive where I donated a little. I helped out at the church fund raiser for the Veteran's Homeless Shelter and Vocational Rehab place. Bug always loves to help the fire department with Toys for Tots. I like this too. However, I get so distracted!

I'm going to do my annual goodie baking and taking cookies to Lord Farquaad. Fruit and nut basket to Sheriff Mike-to ward off his sweet tooth which is a deadly combo for him. 

My good friends, Nola and Charlie, always take care of me and Bug and invite us for Thanksgiving. We have been adopted into their family and they are amazing people.  I have made them some homeade salsa, breads, and cakes on occasion. Do you know how awesome it is to have someone take you in when you have no one here to celebrate with and they make you part of their family? It is beyond..."warms my heart."

I bet the people who asked me this question thought I would say a clothing gift card or something girly. 

So anyway, I joined in on the retail circus of bringing the holidays out too soon this year. 

Notice my answer to the Christmas question was not World Peace. I'm not into pageants for Pete's Sake. And how about all that world chaos right now? God Bless the Canadians. 

As for my lovelies who asked what I wanted for Christmas...good thing I didn't tell them I could always use some target load shotgun shells for trap. 

Jingle bells, shotgun shells...

There is no hope for me.

Maybe someday I will be a true princess. 

What do you want for Christmas? Are you going to volunteer or donate to charity?

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Dumb and Dummer

When did I become the woman my husband (for the record, number 1) never wanted?

It's a question I know the answer to and most often I don't even think about it anymore. His mother will tell me the same thing as do my friends. Was it because he felt I was more successful than he was in law enforcement? I don't know. That's what his friends and some of his family say.  Not that he wasn't outstanding, because he was an exemplary peace officer until he destroyed his career.

He didn't like the fact we were equals and he took it as a competition. I did not.

Running through a career like an overachiever and a bulldozer is just who I am. Ramrodder. Nobody likes those kind, except a prosecutor when  you bring them good cases and put away the bad guy.

I think it was too much.  I was also gone too much which had a factor on the marriage and being a good mother. He did not treat me right even before those days when I was just a mousy college graduate without a pot to piss in. This is all in the books and has been on the blog many times, so if you are a regular reader, this comes at no surprise.

It's been 6 years since I kicked him out. October 10. Magic date when I broke and could not take the bullshit. Although he told me on September 13, my birthday, he was done...he thought he was going to live in the house until the papers were final. Nope.

So who gives a shit? Not me. It's just a reflection on the past.

I am now Gladys Nightstone (street cred name)  or Gertrude Applebottom ( the name my child thinks I should go by)---a different person. She asked me how I could have told people I was Gladys when my name plate clearly had my real name. I told sometimes people would not even realize it and others would point it out.

BUG: What would you say when they saw your real name?

ME: I told them cops were the same as convenience store clerks or fast food helpers and used fake names because bad guys were always trying to threaten our family.

BUG: Mom, that is dumb.

ME: Bad guys are dumber. Besides, you have to have some fun in the world.

She giggled.

That was a long conversation today. Shortly thereafter she bolted to her room.

The room.

It's a crutch.

How do you take away a teenager's room?

I can't banish her to that place anymore. She likes it.

Do you think teenagers are smart enough for reverse psychology?

Perhaps I sent her there too much in the old days and now she is going to show me.

"Ryn & Son" is no longer a symbol of a family bond, it is a mother movement.

The problem is making up for lost time with the Bug. Many times I feel I am losing ground and the kid classifies me as the MOMster. We certainly aren't the Robertsons.

All I can do is keep plugging on.

One day, I will get her to like to be in the same room as I am for more than 13.58 minutes.

                                                            Photo credit: babble.com

Monday, October 20, 2014

Turn Up The HEAT

The HEAT is on...

I wonder what they call former cops? The FROST?

MARATHON REVAMP WEEK 1: This Monday is proving to be a test of the week to come. Marathon training has been turned up a notch and changed. Our schedule is off schedule or on a new schedule with a little shake up. Our coach says our plan was too routine. So now we threw in some random. I am also adding a couple evening workout classes since the Bug is finished with volleyball season. They won their county junior high tournament.

YAY, Bug!

In unrelated news, I learned some more near south words:

lidtard: spelled l-e-o-t-a-r-d, "a close-fitting one-piece garment, made of a stretchy fabric, that covers a person's body from the shoulders to the top of the thighs, worn by dancers or people exercising indoors" -Google dictionary

First, do you know how hard it is to track a conversation with someone inserting "lidtard"? I was like, What? What?...like a thousand times. She used it in a sentence so I couldn't ask for that context, but later had to phone a friend and have her describe the item. It was like "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" charades. 

cinnamonamon: spelled c-i-n-n-a-m-o-n, " a spice". 

This word is frequently mispronounced in drawl states. 

buttes: spelled b-o-o-t-s: a type of footwear often worn by cowboys

I am convinced people that wear buttes are city slickers and have really, really strong legs.

drawl: spelled d-r-a-w, used differently than the last time. Used in a sentence: How do you drawl your gun fast? My response: Uh...I do not talk to my gun. Maybe you should watch Full Metal Jacket. 

Hollerween: spelled H-a-l-l-o-w-e-e-n, a secular holiday. I was really scared about this because I have learned folks in the near south believe Halloween is the devil's birthday or something. Most often it is condemned in many areas and amongst the Christian locals. I am not going to debate this as each to his own. However, when people start talking about Hollerween, I wondered if it was a yelling contest. When asked who I was going to be for Hollerween, I was like...I don't know? That yodeler girl from the Swiss Alps? I got frown lines from my audience. 

So, there you go. My Monday.

Thursday, October 16, 2014

DONUT you know?

Y'all always speed...is that just because or just policy? Mr. G

Usually I did drive about 5 over the speed limit when I was going to a non-emergency call. When I had to pee at the last minute, I would drive very fast or drop trow out in the outskirts of town behind sagebrush.

Any call which came out as one that was not an emergency (Code 3) call but could possibly escalate (such as a domestic verbally escalating with threats) as such I went about 10 over. There were times I went code across town and when I was within ear shot of a business burglary or armed robbery in progress, you shut down the lights and sirens, go fast and stealth. Many citizens did not understand the process of being effective. They often would complain we should go the speed limit unless it was a life threatening emergency. Or they said if they don't have lights and sirens, they should not go fast. How effective and safe are you if you pull up on scene announcing your whereabouts and presence?

Now...I won't say there are not those who abuse their power, because there are. I will say sometimes we got called off a hot call and shut it down and looked like we were going fast to get donuts or to get through a red light. It is just not the case. Much more goes on behind the wheel and the radio than the public realizes at times.

If an officer is patrolling an area, they should go the speed limit or slower. There are also times they should get out of the car and walk the beat.

Here is my question for you to ponder...if you called us and need the police do you want me to get there or take my time? Yes, I am partially being a smart ass here.

Here's the other end of the stick...officers should be cautious and use due diligence for safety. They should also not be asshats and not abuse this power.

But DAYUM it's fun to slide to a stop in the middle of a good bar fight!

Does level of irritation impact citations? Vandy J

Well, the general answer is sometimes. Across the board, I have seen officers have a real problem with this and wear their asshole on their heads. I never trained any of my rookies that way. Now we used to joke around that people should be nice to the PoPo so we don't target them or be extra mean. I despise officers who target people out of spite or personal issues. Well, except if it is a "chimo" (child molester) or serial killer -target away.

Most often (not perfect, mind you), I tried to distance myself from my irritation and the irritation of the future ticket winner and/or warning recipient and not let it influence my decision. Because as an officer, you must be fair and also uphold the law. You must also give discretion in your decisions and I have warned criminals just as much as the good guys.

Officers have to automatically learn how to compartmentalize their own emotions or irritations and be fair. There became a point in my career in which I was no longer sensitive to being irritated by a person's behavior, only amused.

How much of a difference (if any) are you making on the streets "chasing the radio" (as per command staff politics) instead of doing more active patrols as a preventive measure? Bob G.

Not much. You have your shiny moments of glory like saving a baby with CPR or shoveling a person's sidewalk or preventing someone from getting killed. Police are mostly reactive and not proactive. As much as any department would like to think they are all cool and that they "tote ma goats", claiming they are proactive. Reality is they are not. There were and are times cops can be proactive, but on days you are chasing calls...there just is no way for that unless you happen to deter a robber while grabbing a coffee at the convenience store on your break.

There are programs which try to parade as proactive such as DARE, Youth Diversion, and some community interactions such as Box With A Cop, Shop With A Cop, Bicycle Safety Weeks, and other events. Does that make them proactive or just involved and active with the community? This is more toward improving image and favorable standing with the community. Perhaps if we can reach even 1 kid, that is proactive, I guess. Sometimes presence is proactive, sometimes it is a program like Neighborhood watch, cameras, or some type of community action program. I think proactive street work is on every cops' wish list.

Hmm...is that a hidden gun or are you just happy to see me? A Non A Moose

I believe in secrecy. You will never know if I am packing or not. You should just think I always am.

In this day and age, where it seems like so many people don't care for the police, what do you think motivates people to want to go into this line of work? Officer Tex

For me it was problem solving and the dynamic component to law enforcement. Every day is new and different and I love a mystery. I wanted to do something great and whatever assignment I was in, I wanted to lead by example. All of it fascinated me.

The standard answer today from a new officer might be the excitement, adrenaline highs, and the "I want to protect and serve" BS the young ones will tell you. I honestly think there are so many who are delusional about cop work because of television and once they get into the uniform they get a rude awakening. I also think some like the power and control and "chick magnet" factor they think they have with a uniform. It being a total superficial ego booster.  Sick to say, but there are many who have that in the back of their mind. "Oh being a cop is cool."

What do I have to say about that? Being a cop is only cool if you are the right kind of cop and take pride in your duty. It takes a certain type of person to be able to carry it out for a career stint and not just make "tryouts" only to fail the team later.

And some new officers learn the hard way the difference between "duty" and "doody."

I wish I could say they like to help people or feel they are able to make a difference by doing some community problem solving. I just didn't get that from the new generation.

Yet, despite that negative branch, there are many great officers out there and some will make it a career of helping and protecting people and fighting crime. Reducing crime on a proactive basis is the key. You can't be concerned with what the public thinks of you unless you have thin skin. In that case, seek life elsewhere and be in a safe office.

Donuts or muffins? Old NFO

Donuts. Donuts. Donuts.

Duh. I know that was a set up.

And not just any donuts from any store. Why? Because I am a connoisseur and a princess! They have to made fresh from a mom and pop bakery. Concannon's here is the most divine donuts made by a family bakery I have ever tasted in my LIFE! My daughter agrees. I mean "to die for" goodness. They are amazing! [slobbering right now and sad they are not on my food plan]

On a traffic stop, does the driver's attitude toward an officer make a big difference as to whether or not they get a ticket or just a warning? Commchick

Bluntly speaking, Fargo will tell you she never gave a shit about the driver's attitude. I could knock down the 'tude with some swift words of wisdom or let anything roll off my back. I have seen others get their turkey feathers ruffled. I liked the challenge. Challenge me with your attitudes! I dare you!

So, answer for me is NO. Answer for some others is YES.

So it's been two weeks. Who is the lucky winner? Anonymous.

Anonymous asked the question yesterday and drum roll.....

....the lucky winner picked out of a hat by the Bug is COMMCHICK! 
 Please email me, Commchick, mailing information. I will tell you all the books are not here until next week, so you can choose a split shipment or one shipment with an extra surprise which I will post tomorrow. You have to decide today. If you decide split shipment (mail what is here now and the others next week) then the extra surprise will go to another reader. Basically, it is a bribe to save me on shipping. LMAO.

The Bear Facts

The Russian Bear left a few questions to taunt me and you with yesterday on The Unusual Suspects.

I had to answer. I can't leave everyone wondering what I think and hurting their heads over these ideas...

Well, MommaFargo, you gonna run? Start out local. Maybe go for State Representative? You can get the Law and Order crowd; be an advocate for working women. You know the issues from first hand experience. Is it your calling?

Let me have Madea, my Cabinet Advisor answer this one for me:


Absent running yourself, what will you do this election cycle to advance your ideas?

Well, I could do two things. Vote boycott to show my protest and not participate in our government demise like a true hippy (I would be posing as a hippy, however) or vote all the incumbents out on my ballot or take an educated and informed vote? Hmmm. That's all I got. Or I could do one of those and run my mouth, as usual.

For that matter, what will any of you readers do to help steer the country in the direction you think it should go?

Yeah, what The Russian Bear asked...answer that, peeps!

Post a sign in your lawn?
You know, The Harry Potter House does not have political clutter. It is Switzerland. Actually, no one has approached me to put up signs. One person left a bag of mailers and stickers on my door knob. I think they are intimidated by my house, thinking it is haunted and the WHO LIVES THERE ANYWAY of an atmosphere scares them off. I have not seen any big campaigns around here. I think Indiana has lazy politicians. I have been reading about them in the news.

Write letters to your current representatives?

Great idea! I have done this in the past. Once, I received a very detailed answer, probably signed with a stamp, but I felt it made it's way to my Senator. Once, I received an award from the same Senator for victim's services and he even said he was so impressed by the recommendation letter, he presented the engraved crystal award himself and gave me a follow up letter. I have it framed. Another letter I sent to the OTHER Senator...probably went into the shred pile and was made into fire bricks for the homeless.

Please do something other than comment on the Internet. Take the frustration you feel and direct it towards making a difference.

I agree, Yuri. I think we all need to take some positive action toward fixing our country. Even if we do little things or big things...positive action for change! I think that might be stolen from a political sign.

What are you willing to do to have your voice heard? 

Oh, I have run naked through the streets screaming with a bullhorn to rise up the people before. At 3:47 AM when everyone was sleeping and I runned really fast. Ok. Maybe I was in uniform and talking to a hostage taker in the 90's. That really didn't have any political merit, but it shows the extent I am willing to go.

On another note, I have many voices in my head and we come up with some great ideas. I thought Frank, Mary, Angus, and Delilah told Lola, Gladys, and Kathryn the way it is and they were heard.

In all seriousness, this is a good question. I am willing to get out of my comfort zone and talk to my representatives via phone, letter, or personal visit. INDY is close, so it is cheap for me to do so. Local government here is a complete befuddled mess. It's WORSE than our federal government.  I am about to go VOCAL on all of them. They might be shell shocked.

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Dead People

Let's talk about not going in there when your senses tell you not to go in there?

What am I talking about? Your hinky meter.

You have seen it in the movies while watching something of suspense or horror. The people never leave the haunted house and open that closet door. Whiskey-tango-foxtrot, people! Leave the house!

If the dude is chasing folks in the woods with a chainsaw...you don't run toward him!

How many times on The Walking Dead, do those lost peeps just meander down a road or into the forest where the walkers are? Let alone...listen to a sign that says, GO to Terminus. Hello! Terminate. Terminus. I knew they were cannibals before they even got to the community. I kept yelling at the television...NO DON'T GO! Now look at them. They are stuck in a boxcar waiting to get butchered.

Do you find yourself doing that during a horror or suspense flick?

How about cops doing building searches in the movies? Yep. Cut the pie. Cut the pie. Go low. It's always the complacent dumbass that gets shot or the one who sticks his head out just as the bad guy takes the shot.

Here's another observation that is sure to get me raked across the coals.

Do you ever notice it's always white folk that never leave the haunted houses in the movies? Or the sadist serial killer always traps them and they run in circles, not using their common sense? Why?

The serial killer used to tell me it "his people" were smarter than that. He used to make fun of "my people" being stupid and running toward Jason or staying in the haunted house.

Another watchful thing from television: The Walking Dead is the most diverse show displaying equal stupidity. At the same time, displaying equal toughness. I love it. It is fascinating. And such a brilliant plot that keeps evolving into something greater. Started out simple survival, build a community, then comes the power and greed...now what? This season we will see. Scary thing if the world were to go toward some sort of an apocalypse, shit like this just got real.  You don't think humans would act like this in a real crisis? Think again.

One thing is for sure. Norman Reedus is some nice tough eye candy. If he gets killed off the show, I

photo credit: The Walking Dead, AMC

Am I alone in these thoughts? Don't even call me a racist. I just get all this from television observations. The writers make it up, I just watch it.

Friday, October 10, 2014


I found this little ditty and after I giggled, I thought I would share it. I think I could have marked them all off in one day on occasion in Gotham City (Casper, Wyoming).Yes, Bruce Wayne lives there.

                                                        Photo credit: flickr.com, Pinterest

Week 6 Marathon Week: Down 1.5 lbs so far. Last night I did so many squats that my booty is on fire at the same time it is all bulbous. JLo booty progress anyone? I didn't need that kind of well rounding in my workouts. I begin boxing workouts in the garage this weekend since I found all my old goodies hidden in tubs after cleaning the barn. I can't believe I hadn't unpacked or even looked in several tubs for almost two years. Good thing I didn't use that "throw out if not used in a year rule" those organized divas suggest we all live by and do.

In exercise class, when I did the breast stroke, I had the loudest-most obnoxious-odd feeling crepitus in all of The Land. I think my rotator cuffs are shot from all the street wrestling as a cop.

Crepitus. Isn't that a great creepy Halloween word that has nothing to do with the holiday? It's sounds like a monster.

Getting over the sickies was not fun and I still have some frogs in my throat. I think they are the green kind. Ew. Gross. My theory is once it reaches winter, they might disappear into frozen pond water or something. Why? Because it is not the season for frogs anymore. It's my logic. What can I say?

Do frogs hibernate? Or do they just sprout from tadpole seeds?

Speaking of that species or toads or whatever they fall into, when I was mowing the other day, I came across a BIG fat black toad. Never have seen one of those before. He looked a lot like my 2nd husband only cuter. And we have tree frogs. They make neat noises. And there are baby jumping ones who are really, really green. They are near my strawberry GROVE (yes, it is a grove now because I say so).I had one strawberry plant I got on super sale last year for 50 cents. Now I have 50 plants. Crazy. You should never buy or plant strawberry plants anywhere near your house or even on your land. They attract squirrels, possums, dogs, and frogs.  It's better to get them from the store or the Amish. Ok. I am easily amused. Sorry. Talk about random chaos going on in my head right now. STOP THE VOICES!

Week 7 Marathon Week begins Monday. I am getting my serious face on. I have added miles and I am a little apprehensive. AND...it's getting cold. I've become a near south whiner. I used to love the cold. Ok. I am going to try to embrace it again. However, the Heartland is supposed to warm back up in a week to 70's. YES!

This weekend is busy. I have a list. I am checking it twice. No, I am not Santa Claus.

It is still not too late to enter the trio book free giveaway contest. Scroll back a few posts. Enter. I am picking a winner in a week. It will be a prize of most awesomeness! And it's free! It could be a box of rocks for all you care. Right?

Thursday, October 9, 2014

New Fargo Adventure

Some good resource material on here. I am also excited about a new venture as a featured blogger to this great site. Get a glimpse of my serious side. I think you might find some of the material interesting. I encourage you to snoop around!

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Perception Deception

Have you ever perceived something that turned out to deceive you? Was the shadow person just a play on light?

Were you so sure before you were proved wrong? Did it elevate your heart rate?

Halloween is just around the corner. Do you celebrate it or condemn? Why?

Word Soup

Last night while watching the boob tube, I turned to news.

Big mistake.

There it was on The Five...dissing my show... Homeland. Apparently, The Washington Post feels it is the most racist and bigoted show on television. Whatever.

While discussing the Ebola crisis in Texas, a woman at our table said it was a problem down there because the newest patient was black and did not receive proper care. I scoffed at her remarks. Now, I see Jesse Jackson has arrived. It's a civil rights violation? Lord help us all.

Police shootouts. This comes from my past department's latest case and also other police shootings nationwide as I watch them carefully and read what is released. Comments from citizens on Facebook are hateful toward the police. According to so many educated cop haters, the cops now must be expected to "act like the military and not fire unless fired upon." Since when was that the case. In the same thread many were complaining of our nation becoming a "police state" and too much militarization was being implemented within police departments. So...haters...which is it?

I was chastised for referring to Wyoming as my "homeland" and compared to Hitler. Another person told me this only refers to Native Americans in the United States. In my mind, I was being snarky and it was just a playful wording of the "motherland" I call myself from-not my ancestral roots of Ireland and Germany, mind you. Are we so sensitive everything is now a careful word play?

Heavens to Mergatroid!

Words From Yo Motha

Oh, dear college students, my sweet little birds...

Please be aware of the following words of advice from your adopted mother:

1) Don't stink up my conference room with your whhheeeee doggies! If your feet permeate the room through your shoes, it is time to break from the shower strike and throw the shoes out. Your commitment to protest is duly noted.

2) When you are on the toilet in the ladies' room using your cell phone-please do your business first. The fact that you refuse to courtesy flush after a stinky pooper is not a benefit of me while I pee. However, because I can hear your silly convo, I am going to flush 3 times for good measure in your honor. Yes, you're welcome.

3) See-thru Yoga pants are not a staple wardrobe piece unless you are a Vegas stripper.

That is all. 

Thank you.

Monday, October 6, 2014

Monsters University

The teenager phase of parenting is going to be the death of me. I pretty much would like to skip all these cyclone moments. It consists of the following in one form or another:

1) Drama
2) Drama
3) Drama

Is every teenager lazy or related in behavior or by blood to the Tasmanian devil? I believe so.

We had a chat about how Bug's peers have been labeling her and her friends. She hangs out with the volleyball team, so naturally, I thought it would be the label of "jock" or "jockette."


She, as well as her friends, have been called "preppy" and "spoiled." This is not to be confused with the 80's version of this label. It does not involve collared shirts and rolled up pants. This "new preppy" has a negative connotation as "snotty" and "unapproachable."

Or at least I am told.

I quizzed the kid on this labeling thingy.

Photo credit: Grumpy Cat, Pinterest

I had to explore her school persona: 

Would it be because you spend hours in the bathroom fixing your hair?  No, mom.

Would it be because you are so worried about how you look, that you browse every mirror every chance you get? No, mom.

Would it be because you get upset if someone messes up your hair or makeup? No, mom.

Would it be because you are fixated on your clothes? No, mom. 

Would it be because you walk around thinking you are better than everyone else? Do you have an attitude? No, mom. I don't do that. 

Are you exclusive to others not in "your group?" No, mom. I am nice to everyone.

Then what is your theory, honey? Mom, it is because I am associated with the "other" girls on the volleyball team and they are like that, so I get lumped in with them because I hang out with them. But I don't act like that. I just hang around girls that do and so I get stereotyped. 

Obviously, much to my dismay, I did not raise a rocket scientist. 

Photo credit: Larson, cartoonist

All those golden cheerful bliss years of toddlerism are gone.

Photo credit: Fargo

When Bug was in those small and cute stages, I was a cop parenting everyone else's teenager.

Rotten they were.

I thought (gasp) not my child! OOOOHHHHhh no! My child will never be disrespectful or be naughty like those brats.

Well, I am so far, somewhat correct. She just hasn't progressed to that steady Category Orange stage yet. Some days I think we might reach black at peak episodes, however. Then, we have to take it back down to white or a gentle canary yellow. Now, these staging categories are based somewhat on Cooper's model of situational awareness with a twist of Fargo and some other emotional expert whom I can't remember. This is not to be confused with the Homeland Security Risk staging of terrorism. BUT, it could happen. Teenagers might be classified as little domestic terrorists.

They say we learn from our mistakes. Right? My parents told me that all my life. It must, therefore, be true. Well, I make so many, I must be a freaking genius!

I am slowly coming around to thinking that those who just punched walls in their parents' homes and yelled curse words are much easier than dealing with a teen aged drama queen. I really can't squeeze the princess out of Bug no matter how much I try. She is so concerned with appearance. Town beatings don't even work. Nor do sensible talks.

Cartoon: Bad Paint job?

I would like to drag her around by her pony tail, but I'm told that is not really a cool thing to do.

She is mouthy.

She is lazy.

She is a cyclone of drama.

She spends HOURS in the bathroom getting ready.

However, she is an A+ student and is respectful to her teachers and coaches. 

Just NOT to her mother.


I got nothin'. 

For the first time in my life, I am stuck without solutions. I have tried everything. I can't change her bad attitude at home. Neither negative nor positive reinforcements work. Like I said, town beatings are not working either.

My friend chalks it up to the teenager years and the lack of "THE PERIOD" showing up.


Lana Banana blames it on hormones.


Can you imagine what I am going to go through during that "natural woman" stage with my child when it arrives?

That will be drama exponentially multiplied. Drama squared.

Help me now.

I foresee a contemporary Wednesday-like character forming. Only in PINK.

Photo credit: Disney, Meet the Robinsons, Lizzy

At least my daughter wears conservative clothing and is very prudish. There are positives!

Otherwise, we might have also amended it to a problem with WHOREmones.

Not on my watch.

[big sigh]

Back to the drawing board of attitude reformation ideas.

I should have been a Thespian.

Friday, October 3, 2014

A Twofer

Boogie on down to The GunDivas for another chance to win a set of The Boogie Man Is My Friend series. This contest is separate from the one on my blog. Two chances to win! That's right.

The GunDivas features fantastic information on gun reviews, shooting practices, anything political about gun control and firearms, firearms safety, etc.  These folks are intelligent, well versed, and experts in the field. Check them out.

In the meantime, I am loaded for bear and involved in a Homecoming contest today!
A Viking warrior I might be, all dressed up in a mish mash of Halloween garb I found in the barn. Behold! It's the redneck Viking warrior hillbilly bearded dudette? I will wield both sword and shield and furry boots on campus. Arrrr!!

Thursday, October 2, 2014


October 3-5 ONLY... FREE Kindle book promotion on THE BOOGIE MAN IS MY FRIEND: THE ROOKIES.

Skeletons In The Closet

The trial was long but not in a boring way. Each day was full of something unexpected. There were times I was very relaxed and others where I was tense beyond any other stressful moment in my life.

Every day would present us with a surprise in our witness statements or reactions to defense questioning, evidence presented, or a mystery event. Literally, no one, knew what we knew inside that court room. Some of it was even excluded from the jury. There were many "approach the bench" moments.

Mattman and I were seated at the head table with the District Attorney and one of the Assistant District Attorneys. If you have never been in a major high profile case, in a district or federal court room, you have missed the ultimate sweating experience. Take note that most court rooms are at refrigerator temp or less.

The "big case" was different from all the others because it received national attention. It was also to be the first bodiless homicide  in Wyoming taken to trial. Add in a cold case. Everyone wants to know about those. They become a community mystery in which citizens feel they are a stakeholder.

Every move we made was on display in the news. Our faces and trial moments were being drawn by a cartoonist. Reporters were scribbling like mad to make sure they didn't miss a detail. The public in the audience scrutinized every second of every judicial procedure.

The jury members had a watchful eye and were glued to us on and off the stand. They watched me. I watched them. We made notes and compared notes of who we thought was paying attention and who thought we did our jobs well. Not one of the jury members faltered in their due diligence. This was serious business, probably one of the most important days of their lives. You would have thought we had Al Capone on trial. They were attentive.

Somewhere along the middle, we were alerted in court of an incident in a county not too far away. They had found skeletal remains in an area where a search had been conducted years ago for our victim, Lynn Bush. Mattman and I both had a gut wrenching experience at that very nanosecond.

Not because we were worried about being wrong or making a mistake in this almost 20 year old cold case with no body, but because we knew a discovery of our victim would be a game changer. The trial would have ended or been postponed for a lengthy time.

The DA approached the bench along with the defense and informed the judge of the discovery. The trial was suspended pending notification of possible match to Lynn Bush. The jury had no idea why.

That meant a University of Wyoming anthropology expert and professor was called to travel hundreds of miles on the court's dime to assist along with Johnson county law enforcement. This would also take time.

We were antsy and sick but at the same time, we had our doubts it was her. We rushed back to the office and directly linked by radio and phone to the Johnson county investigators. Before long, images were appearing on our screen.

What was found:  A partially uncovered skull in the foothills underneath an evergreen.. near a ravine... not far from the treeline of the mountains. It was exactly perfect. It was eerie. We all said, "holy shit."

What do I mean by that? It was just as we may have pictured her. Discarded and buried, with her remains being discovered due to erosion. One of the possibilities.

It was also Wyoming. This area was just like any other. It was "everywhere and anywhere" we had searched and typical of what we imagined about the grave. Oh, there were other scenarios and speculations like a cave, a silo, a well, a canyon, trees, favorite camping spots, rugged terrain, burned remains, etc. Imagine 20 years of stories, speculations, theories, and psychic visions.

Imagine the territory we had to cover and terrain we explored over the years. The department spent well over $150,000 looking for Lynn without any success. And any area we had already looked-could have been the right place. It was Wyoming. How can you be certain you didn't miss something or some clue or some crevice?

One snafu. It was common to come across Indian remains as may be the case we had here.

We all discussed amongst ourselves all the possibilities and what might happen. I knew the case better than anyone else, so I could identify clothing, luggage, etc. that might connect to Lynn. I immediately offered my assistance to go to the site so I could relay the information instantaneously. Not at all offering to dig or interfere, but just as a consultant on case information...a resource to the other county. I thought I could help so the deputies and professor could do their job-not once thinking about what was about to happen.

Some background: all the detectives and law enforcement across the state had their own ideas of where Lynn was. A couple of our old detectives thought Lynn was in Natrona County somewhere. Some others thought she was in Johnson County. I did not limit myself.

When asked, I answered with honesty, " I have no preconceived ideas and I think she was killed and disposed of in Wyoming based upon a timeline, statements from several persons, logistics, weather, and circumstances. Whether there are any remains to be found, I don't know."

That's it. I would not and could not give someone an unproven "notion" or theory. I could not give false hopes. Not even to the family, especially all of them. I looked her parents in the eyes and told them the same. I told Lynn's daughter. I told David's family the same and answered any questions as well. Even her past friends whom I interviewed asked and I answered. Always with a heavy heart, I conveyed the same information. Who wants to say those things to all the people who cared so much for Lynn? Not me. I had grown close to these people. But I had to be honest. Lynn was loved. I was not going to give out anything I could not back up, nor was I going to hurt these folks any worse. I would not be disrespectful. Above all, I was a forthright and honest detective. I could only treat them with respect and answer with details and honesty because they needed to hear it. They had had no closure and they had been so persistent to show up at the police department year after year to keep her case alive. Every year, I am sure there was always some hope.

I could see the disappointment, but I believe they all understood me.

Now, of anything I did in that case, I failed. I failed to bring Lynn home. Something I wished I could have given both sides of the family.

Well, now here we were at trial. Did I want the family to go through another trial? Did I want to? Did Matt? Did the DA? No. But if we had to, we would have had to do it.

I looked over at David. He was smirking and excited. I knew then the body was not Lynn. Why? Because David was not worried. He was hoping this would make the trial a mistrial and the whole thing would go on a new tangent of investigating a bogus lead. He would demand of the state to be let out on bond or dismiss the charges against him.

But we had to be certain.

I was still..what if? What if I made a mistake. My mind raced through all the evidence and I was still positive David was the man. Matt was also certain. The DA was certain. I think the defense was certain, but they had to defend their client the best they could.  

Or what if this was her and now we could get more evidence against David? 

My mind went bonkers.

The sheriff of Johnson county was pissed. He asked Mattman if I thought I was "somebody" and told him that he was perfectly capable of doing the case. I was taken aback, not realizing that I had insulted him because I just wanted to be able to testify firsthand whether anything around the skeleton could be linked to our case. The sheriff threw a fit over the phone to Mattman and he then relayed the information from the sheriff to me. Of course as cops, we do not soften things to each other. I was butt hurt. The sheriff was butt hurt and would not take my calls.

One of the Johnson county deputies was a witness in the Bush case and a friend of mine. In fact, we had gone to the police academy together. I trusted him as a confidant in this matter, but I had to exclude trial information. Luckily he had already testified and he had been released from his sequestration. So Rod told me I pretty much ruined all chances of the sheriff talking to me again. That actually made me laugh. Who does that? Oh, well. What could I do about it? Nothing. Rod tried to soften things between us and tell the sheriff I was actually a great cop and probably things were just misunderstood as I would never try to walk on someone's toes. Still, it did nothing.

I'm not sure the man still would talk to me today if I approached him with the married name I was under during the trial. He would not recognize my name now, however, and probably would not make a connection. 

So, the investigation went underway and the UW professor did his magic. The body was recovered and transported to a lab. DCI sent one agent up to Johnson county to be our liaison per permission of the sheriff and by Matt's request. This was not going to happen overnight. Maybe not even as short as two days. It would take time.

We were afforded a short recess. And the judge cautioned us to hustle it up.

We waited and waited. I'm pretty sure we may have called all Wyoming law enforcement including state troopers to allow the good professor to drive due diligently straight to Johnson County from Laramie with a free pass.

The results were given to us after we were at our last hour of wits because we didn't want a mistrial announced because of time constraints. I talked to the professor as we had consulted with him on previous cases and he was well known to all of us. Extremely intelligent and well-respected man.  I can't remember who received the law enforcement call first from the Johnson county sheriff, but he spoke to Matt and the DA. I was excluded.

The skeletal remains turned out to be a native American approximately 200 years old.

We had beer right after this was announced to the court and the judge ordered us to continue the next morning. It was in the middle of our work day. I didn't ask the bosses. We just went to the bar. Actually, I ran there. I think.

The trial went on the next morning. and you know the rest of the story.

Yes, he is still the current sheriff of Johnson county. He might even be a celebrity now with Longmire Days and his uncanny likeness to the character, Walt. He is NOT "hawt" like Robert Taylor, of course, in my opinion.

I do respect the man even though he might not me.