Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

The Momster Fails Again

The kid.

How can I explain teenagers? Um.....stand by.

For instance, tonight I got this...

BUG: Mom, am I your bay, or nah, bra?

*blink*blink* whiskey tango foxtrot *blink blink*

BUG: Mom, answer me.

ME: Apparently there is a language barrier or you are speaking gibberish. 

BUG: Mom, I asked you a question.

ME: I have no idea.

So she explained:

bay=someone you place at the top of your list and put ahead of yourself

or nah=or not

brah=(brah not BRA as in over the shoulder boulder holder) it's like your bro

First of all, I can't speak this crap. I can't understand it and don't want to. I am like a mule with his hooves firmly planting while Farmer Brown yanks on the rope. Second, I am not a bra or a bro. I just checked to double check. Yep. And NOPE-I am not a man. I may have some masculine tendencies such as liking guns, fishing, camo, the outdoors, sports, beer, and maybe similar television shows, but I am all vajayjay oriented. I will stop there. Finally, I really thought she was saying ordnung, as in Amish.

I am just confused. This is only the beginning. Lord, help me.

My answer:

ME: I don't bay or neigh. I am not your brah nor your bro. I'm The MO. 

Yeah, that did not come out right either. I give up.

So, the confusion continued.

We were critiquing a man on television and his lack of wine sense. Bug said, "well, he is just drunk and stupid." I said, "well, that's not all bad. That's how you came about."

EPIC mother failure today. I think I will start over tomorrow. I'm just a momster. Oy. I need to stay mean and not try to be cool. Or funny. I was creepy funny today. And no intent there, either.

UGH!  I'm starting to sound like CNN...someone help me....!!!!

In other news...my brother sent me this keeper Aunt Rita and Aunt Diane found at grandpa's...

Yes, I was an asshole. But a good aim at a young age. Snork, snork!


Old NFO said...

Ya can't win with the kids... Just stay true to yourself...

MrGarabaldi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
MrGarabaldi said...

So far I have been lucky...I think...My son just tells his teacher whom has a heck of a sense of humor.."I am a proud member of a patriarchal society and white privilege is wherever you want it to be..." I heard this but I really couldn't rebuke him for this, for I told him to "be proud of whatever you are". I will expect a call from the PC police one day over that boy. You gotta admit, kids are entertaining....not always in a good way.

GunDiva said...

So, I never thought I'd have cause to know this, but it's spelled "bae". And I only know that because it was on the list of prohibited words for Chick-Fil-A that went around a few weeks ago on FB.


Bob G. said...

Momma Fargo:
I read you loud & clear with the language "barrier"...

Maybe that's why I stick to calling the squirrels and doing bird calls when it's time for their eats.

We ONLY speak ENGLISH (and a little classic LATIN) at the "Fortress".
That's what I get for hitching up with a TEACHER.
You want Ebonics, Spanish, Burmese, or sundry other forms of street-speak...talk to one of our "locals"...LOL

Roll safe down there, dear.