Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...

Monday, January 26, 2015

Honk A Boy

A little this and that and a round of crazy. Actually, crazy is my circle of life. That's my life. Welcome to Crazytown. Who wants normal? Those boring people.

I was excited to make a fast run to Minnesota to see my family. I learned they are doing well and I miss them very  much...to a point, in fact, I wanted to be there longer. Sometimes I think I should live there, then it gets windy. I don't mind the cold and snow. I don't miss the wind.

However, school and college life called us back home. Dang jobs and schools.

I discovered my mother is somewhat of a rebel. When I went into her laundry room, I noticed a pellet gun and pellets just sitting out there like she was a thug. Apparently, she shoots out the back quite often at starlings and pesky birds which disrupt her song bird watching. Now...never mind it is illegal in the city limits, but straight up starling genocide. She laughed at my lecture as did my brother who got her started on this hobby. I guess it will keep her young at heart. Yes, I am kin to the Clampetts in case you were wondering.

My child's mind is going in strange directions. For instance, last night she quizzed me on how puppies behave.

BUG: Mom, the puppy is mean to Moose. He runs up to him, bites his pee pee...like honk...and runs away. Why would Moose just lay there? Doesn't it hurt him?

ME: Well, maybe he likes to be honked.

BUG: Mom, that is so gross. Really, be serious. Why would he not get mad or cry because it hurts.

ME: Honey, it goes like this. Men like to play honk and run. The world has people with left brain and right brain thinkers. On top of that...men have a top brain where the left and right thinking occurs and a bottom brain. Girls only have a top brain unless they were a man who becomes a woman...you know, dude looks like a lady...or they have an operation..which I think technically...would they have the bottom brain disconnected? I don't know. It is complicated. Well, anyway...that is out of the box. So, Moose is thinking with his bottom brain and that is why he likes it. 

BUG: I don't get it. Men don't have a bottom brain. And how could anyone think with a bottom brain? You mean the penis has a brain? Ew. Gross. It thinks?

ME: Well, they do. Men often walk around life penis first. Boys like it when girls play honk and run. It is naughty, but the boys like it. But I don't ever want you to honk a boy.

BUG: Oh, nasty, Mom. You are sick. 

ME: Ok. This is getting weird and uncomfortable for mommy.  I don't even understand where this conversation is going. Let's just watch the puppies play. This will all make more sense when you are older. 

In other news...non-penis related...my sleep pattern was going well until last night...

I don't remember any of this except the 4:50 am get up and pee the dogs episode. I got home very late after driving 9 hours on a 5 hour road trip due to in-climate weather. Let me just say...idiots who cannot drive on snow and ice should not be on the road. This would include the too slow and the too fast. I got a little road rage last night which carried over this morning on the way to work. )&#Y$()*&#)$(*#(*#@$& I think my blood pressure was sky high. Beat me.

Also it is good to note that speed limit signs in Chicago are guidelines... 55 miles per hour means 80. 

Photo credit: Pinterest

I think I am digressing backward into my twenties; not the looks, but the attitude and lack of patience. Perhaps I need some range time. It has been entirely too long.

I did see American Sniper by myself. I would recommend it. It was a good movie. I didn't get all hyped up about the fake baby scene. It didn't ruin the movie. Did I notice? Yes. I also noticed the real baby they used was an ugly thing...poor baby. Really, it was. Not attractive. And I love babies. At a distance. Or someone eles's. Anystars, go see it. At the end, when the credits rolled and the movie was obviously over...no one moved. It was silent. We all sat there and tried to absorb what we just saw. Then slowly people started to get up. It had an impact. And would it surprise you that Piers Morgan slammed Michael Moore and Seth Rogen, stating Chris Kyle was a hero.

Yes, I almost ran naked in the street in disbelief.


Tennessee Grammie said...

If you had female dogs you wouldn't be having those enlightening discussions with Bug. Just sayin' ...

Coffeypot said...

You told Bug right. I like a honk every now and then - or I used too.

Old NFO said...

LOL, not going there... Nope... just gonna let that one flop around on it's on... :-) And yes, drivers suck!

Coffeypot said...

OldNFO, is Drivers suck a pun for Honk?


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