The latest in the eat clean, poop green lifestyle changes have been leaving me very blah feeling. Trying to consume the recommended water allotment is making me feel like Humpty Dumpty minus the wall. Raspberries are my favorite but seem to leave me with diarrhea explosions. (I know TMI). I won two months free membership to the local CrossFit gym in town through my university's working well program. I am eager to meet some new people and most of the them are cops and firemen, so maybe I can relate. Perhaps they will also push me to lose this extra weight I have accumulated.
Sleep is strange...
How about that State of the Union address? I didn't watch it. I figured it will be misery as usual and just went out and bought another jar of Vaseline. I clicked on for two seconds, saw Obama's extremely long pauses, hated the clap (the disease of fake politicians enjoying a presidential address), and he looked orange. Hollywood make up artists failed him. It is the first speech I have missed. I refused to suffer through and watched Downton Abbey instead ON DEMAND.
Sometimes I wake up feeling like I am at home and other times I feel like I don't belong where I am. Did you ever go through those episodes in life?
I have a happy kiddo and happy dogs. My house if full of joy. I love my house, just not sure this is the location where I am supposed to be in life. Maybe it is temporary. I don't know where the road of life is going to take me next. You think you plan it out...then whammo.
My awkward feelings could be a combination of relating to people around me.
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Part of me wants to be in Minnesota with my family and also wanting to be in Wyoming, wanting the fairy tale. Reality then sets in and you can't turn back time, only plod forward. Bug even asked me the other day if I could turn back time, what would I do differently? That is a loaded question. I didn't answer it.
I was asked the other day if I miss cop work, a common occurrence about every three months. People are just curious like that. I suppose a lot of it has to do with the current events. I miss the fun, the nights, and the bizarre. I don't think it will be like that ever again and being a cop right now is like walking a tight rope. It is pretty much ruined for me. What I would like to do is some consulting on child crimes investigating procedures and multi-agency jurisdictional issues. No one really is interested. I see over and over again how many states suffer from good plans in process and really don't care to change even if it is a free change. Change is scary. I just never understood why you would not embrace getting better, especially at the price of nothing in order to save even one child.
I am a difficult person, this I know. Maybe that is why I am alone.
Maybe I don't want to settle anymore. Maybe some things are just not good enough.
People don't like to change nor do they want to do anything that might draw groans from a crowd or whispers. So they just stay miserable in place.
I usually embraced changed, especially when I could see a different or positive outcome ahead. The change I did not enjoy was major life changes which were insecure or involved risk, but I still did them. Some worked out, some did not. Now, looking back...I am glad I am not afraid because if something detrimental happens, I just cry in my Wheaties and move on.
So what do you do when you are on forward motion and everyone around you is pulling on your pants in the opposite direction or just refuse to join the direction you go and turn right?
I just never had that attitude of "mediocre is fine" in law enforcement or anything, really, (except husbands), so I can't comprehend why anyone else would either. Mediocre sucks, especially in husbands.
I didn't even settle for mediocre donuts.