Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Life Of Meh

Life is a story. Mine is somewhat thriller, suspense, comedy, and lots of drama. Not sure what they call that category of entertainment,  but it has plot twists.

The latest in the eat clean, poop green lifestyle changes have been leaving me very blah feeling. Trying to consume the recommended water allotment is making me feel like Humpty Dumpty minus the wall. Raspberries are my favorite but seem to leave me with diarrhea explosions. (I know TMI). I won two months free membership to the local CrossFit gym in town through my university's working well program. I am eager to meet some new people and most of the them are cops and firemen, so maybe I can relate. Perhaps they will also push me to lose this extra weight I have accumulated. 

Sleep is strange...

Sometimes I wake up feeling like I am at home and other times I feel like I don't belong where I am. Did you ever go through those episodes in life? 

I have a happy kiddo and happy dogs. My house if full of joy. I love my house, just not sure this is the location where I am supposed to be in life. Maybe it is temporary. I don't know where the road of life is going to take me next. You think you plan it out...then whammo. 

My awkward feelings could be a combination of relating to people around me. 

Photo credit: Pinterest

Part of me wants to be in Minnesota with my family and also wanting to be in Wyoming, wanting the fairy tale. Reality then sets in and you can't turn back time, only plod forward. Bug even asked me the other day if I could turn back time, what would I do differently? That is a loaded question. I didn't answer it.

How about that State of the Union address? I didn't watch it. I figured it will be misery as usual and just went out and bought another jar of Vaseline. I clicked on for two seconds, saw Obama's extremely long pauses, hated the clap (the disease of fake politicians enjoying a presidential address), and he looked orange. Hollywood make up artists failed him. It is the first speech I have missed. I refused to suffer through and watched Downton Abbey instead ON DEMAND. 

I was asked the other day if I miss cop work, a common occurrence about every three months. People are just curious like that. I suppose a lot of it has to do with the current events. I miss the fun, the nights, and the bizarre. I don't think it will be like that ever again and being a cop right now is like walking a tight rope. It is pretty much ruined for me. What I would like to do is some consulting on child crimes investigating procedures and multi-agency jurisdictional issues. No one really is interested. I see over and over again how many states suffer from good plans in process and really don't care to change even if it is a free change. Change is scary. I just never understood why you would not embrace getting better, especially at the price of nothing in order to save even one child. 

I am a difficult person, this I know. Maybe that is why I am alone.

Maybe I don't want to settle anymore. Maybe some things are just not good enough. 

People don't like to change nor do they want to do anything that might draw groans from a crowd or whispers. So they just stay miserable in place.  

I usually embraced changed, especially when I could see a different or positive outcome ahead. The change I did not enjoy was major life changes which were insecure or involved risk, but I still did them. Some worked out, some did not. Now, looking back...I am glad I am not afraid because if something detrimental happens, I just cry in my Wheaties and move on. 

So what do you do when you are on forward motion and everyone around you is pulling on your pants in the opposite direction or just refuse to join the direction you go and turn right? 

I just never had that attitude of "mediocre is fine" in law enforcement or anything, really, (except husbands), so I can't comprehend why anyone else would either. Mediocre sucks, especially in husbands. 

I didn't even settle for mediocre donuts.


Ms. A said...

I see you are waking up periodically. Magnesium and Tart Cherry juice might help that part.

Momma Fargo said...

Thank you, Ms. A! I will try that. Sometimes I don't realize it. This time, I was wide awake at 230 and 5. I remember those times. LOL

lotta joy said...

For five years now, I've wished I was still in Indiana instead of Florida. I miss the last of my family, which is a VERY loved sister who is dying of scleroderma (her esophagus and lungs are brittle from it). I'm NOT where I'm supposed to be, and if I could turn back the clock just five years, I'd still be with her. Guilt is a horrible thing. So is constantly feeling you've done something unbelievably wrong and stupid.

Old NFO said...

You have to keep going, otherwise you stagnate, which is really not good. It's always hard when those around you are trying to pull you down/back. But determination and work will overcome them...

MrGarabaldi said...

Hey Momma Fargo;
I will answer your post tomorrow,I just saw it and want to "do it Justice". I have to go to sleep.....durn that 4 letter word called "work" and riding the government gravy train isn't an option...I do have some pride you know;)

Bob G. said...

Momma Fargo:
I watched the SOTU address (and if you read my post about it, you'd know I spent the night yelling at the TV).
Not a pretty sight, but better than playing the DRINKING GAME...lol.

Stay safe down there, Kiddo.

MrGarabaldi said...

Hey Momma Fargo,

Sorry for the long delay, I had this massive response going and I inadvertently hit the wrong key and it immediately highlighted everything and then the next key took it all away...I walked away rather than hit the keyboard.
But anyway, I will try again....
When you have been in many places and done many things, it is difficult to find a place where you believe is truly "home". part is regret, part is yearning to see what else is out there. Back in December, I was feeling a darkness in me growing, I was staying angry all the time and I was contemplating how many acres, how much a backhoe cost and how much lime I would need. I was in church one day, asked God to help me, I am losing the war against the darkness. Then I had the car accident, I believe that it was a reminder from God that life is precious and it can be gone in a heart beat. I would lose out on watching my son grow up from a boy to a good man, I would miss the milestones in his life. it was an epiphany so to speak. the clarity of the vision( no I don't smoke or ingest illegal pharmaceuticals.) the sign restored my faith, not totally but it helped me gain traction against the darkness. I do believe that there are 2 personalities in all people, the "beast side" or the ID and the civilized side, that is why I cling to manners so strongly, it helps me control the beast part. The beast part isn't bad..it is what gives you your ambition, drive and other things to survive. it just needs to be channeled and harnessed properly. the "Meh" is the beast side trying to overcome the civilized side of a person. the mental struggle is from that. That is ongoing and will continue until a person "crosses over", it is the truth of our existence.
I hope I didn't bore you to tears


Bob A.K.A. "MrG"

Momma Fargo said...

All advice underway! MrG...you did not bore me by any means. Very good advice. I refuse to slip into any darkness as well. I might be down or sad for a little moment, but I don't linger there. Life is too short for that.