Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...

Friday, January 23, 2015

Mental Funk Junk

Life of Meh and melancholy continues. Even though I am in a mental junk funk, I have been going according to plan for marathon training. Exercise is the most underutilized anti-depressant and attitude adjustment drug.

You see, I would get into a relationship with you, but the way my gym schedule is set up...

It is a different world training inside for most of the winter versus running in the open air and views of the country. It's a forced issue for me to run inside. Once I get to the gym, I start to ease up on the brakes. It would be easy to deter me right now and lure me from the gym by using shiny things. Or wine.

In between running (or fat jogging), I am doing some strength training and Piloxing. Strange exercise, but I love it. I embrace the weird.

Photo credit: Pinterest

It brings my attitude up during lunch.    Intertwined in my schedule after work are a couple of Bootcamp classes. Love the university benefits. Normally, on my budget and income, I would not be able to afford these classes or opportunities. Grateful note. I am thankful.

On the eat lean poop green plan, I have become accustomed to all the fresh food. So what happens? Disaster struck around noon yesterday. I took a friend out to lunch for her birthday. She picked Fazoli's. Cue hate mail, but I do not like their food. It's too heavy and greasy.

Hakuna Matata.

Well, I accommodated her since it was her choice. The bathroom accommodated me for the rest of the afternoon. Like a rock it sat until it came out at rocket speed. I know, TMI. Again. I share.

Miserable, I was. Now I hate the place.

Today is a new day and minus any butt explosions, it looks grand outside! I have issues with my wardrobe, however. I need a hairbrush to alleviate the chaffing and irritation done by my tight jeans. It's like a yeast infection minus the jizz.

This is how these jeans roll...too big in the waist...JLO booty just right...ride up the crotch...butt crack moments of bliss at bends. Who the hell creates jeans? Do they know how a woman is built? Maybe I need to go to the JLO big booty section where Meghan Traynor, Nicki Minaj, and Mary J Blige shop. They have nice booties. Mine is just big. Just observations.

So, this creates those problems such as the sneak and pull, corner yank, and thigh slide. To describe, you are walking as the seam is riding up your hoohah creating discomfort. It is an immediate release problem. It does look offensive in public so it must be done with slight moves. You can also do the shake and walk, but you look like a dink. It is imperative to be stealth about digging garments out of the va-jay-jay. You have to have class. Women are not like men where we grab our junk in front of God and everyone. Spanks might work to create a crawling barrier, but then you are sucked in and the furnace does not get vented. It is important to keep it vented and dry. Humidity-bad.

In other news...my office manager had never heard of snow shoeing. So I had to show her via Google. Result-turned up nose and "why would anyone want to do that? That is too much work."

*head desk*

Also I am learned: new Indiana words:

manase: spelled m-a-y-o-n-n-a-i-s-e

noun-salad dressing, white jizz whiz which goes on sammiches

cran: spelled c-r-a-y-o-n

noun- a wax art instrument in various colors.

drawling: spelled d-r-a-w-i-n-g
  1. 1.
    a picture or diagram made with a pencil, pen, or crayon rather than paint, especially one drawn in monochrome.
    "a series of charcoal drawings on white paper"
  2. 2.
    the selection of a winner or winners in a lottery or raffle.
    "entrants need not be present at the drawing"
    synonyms:rafflelottery, sweepstake, sweepballotlotto
    "she won the Christmas drawing"

  3. Have a Happy Friday! I'm gonna go dig the drawlers out of my hoohah in the most discrete manure, Indiana style.


Anonymous said...

I give up, WTF is snow showing?

Momma Fargo said...

Anonymous...wtf is snow showing? I have no idea. I meant to write snow shoeing and fixed it upon seeing your comment.

Bob G. said...

Momma Fargo:
ROFLMAO...by God, dear, I do think you're getting the "Hoosier-Speak" gig DOWN!
(and other tips or hints, I'd be happy to act as an interpreter...heh.
I've been at this a while longer, and am more than willing to help.
As for the food thing?
(you don;t wanna know what I live on...lol)

Good post, Kiddo.

Run safe down there.

Ms. A said...

Good luck with the training! Personally, I need a treadmill, since I avoid taking my ugly outside. AND, jeans are a torture device, even the loose ones. Thick seams in the crotch area always pinch and are uncomfortable. Tight ones are OUT OF THE QUESTION! I wear them when I leave the house, but as soon as I get home, they're off and I'm in something comfortable. Same with a bra, another torture device!

Old NFO said...

Sorry to hear you're NOT having a good week... I thought they had now 'designed' jeans for women, but I guess not... And yeah, we 'adjust' and don't care who sees it :-D