Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...

Thursday, April 2, 2015


"Oh, raspberries, how I have missed you."

I was sure the cops were going to be called. It was me at the salad bar salivating like a serial killer over their next victim. It was that INTENSE.

You see, our university ships in organic HUGEST of raspberries for their salad bar from a farm where the chef has connections. It's time. They were here. I was admiring their beauty today. Then I had to get some. They are cheap, too. I can't really afford them in the store unless they are on sale. Luckily, we have farmer's markets and I can pick some up at a good price. Once in a great while, I get to pick wild ones with a friend. Ok. Enough with the hippy dippy.

Last night I exercised three times which is not normal, but it just happened. I'm not addicted. I was asked to walk through the woods at lunch. Check. It was a gossip session with my friend. Then after work I had CrossFit but there was an hour wait so I decided to walk for an hour before the class. Check. It was finally beautiful outside. So then...CrossFit.

New instructor.

Not a fan. He was INTENSE.

I will call him SebASStian.

He strutted around with puffed out chest or maybe that was just because he had good posture and was fit as a fiddle. He introduced himself to each of us separately with a nice firm handshake. That was good. Once it was time for class, he asked the students to my right what their major was and what year in school they were. Then he turned his back to me and asked them further questions about their studies, but never looked at me or included me or asked me anything. I thought that was kind of a snubbing.

The Snubbing. It could be a movie.

I waited.


I waited.


"So...did you not ask me about my student status because you thought I was too old to be a student?" (smirky smile)

*record scratch*

(students chuckled)


SebASStian turned slowly toward me with nose (he moved it a little more upward like your second grade teacher giving you the look of .."did you just speak?" ) in the air and stated with a British attitude in an American accent...

"No. I did not. I just thought you were a professor."


"I was just kidding with you."


Wow. He was INTENSE.

A voice in my head said, "No one likes a smart ass, Kathryn." It was Dad. Yep. I know, Dad.

Apparently, I pissed off the CrossFit god.

"I just work here. Going to get my Master's one class at a time."

I got the head nod and then he focused back to the students.


So...the rest of the class I did as I was told and dutifully asked questions about proper form and whatnot. He was INTENSE. All his instruction was non-smiling, militaristic, and harsh. The students acted as if they were all in boot camp and did not speak. One. Word.

They were a lot smarter than me.

Or maybe I didn't give a fuck.

It was debatable.

See now...during the whole class while I was being a good little robot, I kept thinking of Officer Shiny Keys (named appropriately because of raccoon like behavior and cut ups in the field) and how I missed his coaching style and funitude. He made it fun. He made it so I wanted to  learn and do more and reach for higher goals. Kind of like Shamus on the first day.

I was comparing Shiny Keys to SebASStian the whole time like a scorned bitch. I might have even had a frown or an air about me stating with extra daggers, "Well, you aren't as good a coach as Shiny Keys. Hmpf. Take that."

"Don't be a dick." That's what I really wanted to say, but did not muster a sound even close to those words.

The workout came to a stoppage much to all our gladness because we all gassed out and were expended beyond our physical capabilities.

"Ok. That is a class. Any questions or comments?"

When someone asks this question, you should just shut your mouth.

But the teenager in me couldn't contain myself.

"Oh, how about let's do that again."

Groans from the class.


I did not just say the dreaded words of the "hated" type. You know...the ones who fuck up in the military and make everyone do more push ups or at the police academy where you get to do extra burpees.

The voices in my head had projected outward. My medicine must have worn off. Egads!

Yeah. I was running and trying to pull my words back into my mouth and shut the yips. Bang, bang my head. Facepalm. D'oh. All that.

Too late for do-overs.

SebASStian turned to me and said with a half eye frown and nose upturned, "You can if you want to."

"Maybe another day. That was an excellent workout. Thank you very much."


I moved faster leaving class than I did running sprints during the WOD (workout of the day)

"No one likes a smart ass, Kathryn."

"I know, Dad. Don't be a dick. I know. I know. Ugh."


Allenspark Lodge said...

Just wondering, where do they get these guys, professor?


Coffeypot said...

Hit him were it hurts. "You look like you have put on some weight. Cutting back on your exercise?" or "I bet you used to have some great looking abs."

Old NFO said...

Seems like a lot of those types are failed SPECOPS guys... or wanna be's....

Bob G. said...

Momma Fargo:
ROFLMAO...sure isn't like being back "on the street", is it?
(that seemed easier, right?)
SO...HOW INTENSE was he???

Perhaps he was a former SEAL...in which case, it's ALWAYS better to BEFRIEND them than honk them off.

Glad you had "fun"...such as it was (intense I'll bet).

You roll safe down there.