Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...

Friday, February 5, 2016

Prostration Blows and Other Man Cop Nonsense

"Let me be blunt and lay it all out there for the world to see." That was my intention when blogging took off. No longer was it a super secret journal or haven to record my daily encounters. It began that way for me as, Momma Fargo, the anonymous cop blogger. There were several us who somehow found each others' blogs and created a small cop community. Then it all exploded. Then came..."the others." The others are those watchful citizens who enjoyed reading about our fodder and left comments, then joined our blogs, then subscribed and came back for more. Silly peeps.

If you build it, they will come. 

We LEOs could finally express ourselves without repercussion until the Internet technology grew and it became easy to discover an author's true identity. That's when everyone fell off the Internet and went back into seclusion. Policies changed and social media was regulated. But what about blogs?

They, too, were part of the policy changes. I really started to seize up during this time and milled around several ideas of whether to shut down the blog or keep going against policy. The policy allotted for a personal blog but had restrictions on work information. I began to blog about my daily life off the job which bored even me. I was really unhappy. 

Social media killed the fun of our network but exploded a new outlet. We could network around the world like a gang in secret Facebook groups, websites, or chat rooms. Nope. They can find us there, too, those damned admins. Then you have the tattle tails. 

I belong to several networks and I am always amazed at the different perspectives and discussions. Not all cops think alike. Not all are Type A personality, but all have egos and arrogance of some kind. I posed that on social media one day and got a heated discussion that it was not true and cops are courageous and have confidence, not arrogance. I beg to differ. There are egos. There is arrogance. There is over-bearing sense of pride. Not all of it is the offensive arrogance, but that too tags along at times. I don't think everyone is immune. I  believe I had some negative arrogance a time or two.

Now is not the time to ostrichsize. What is that word, you say? Let me refresh your memory with visual aids:

Putting one's head in the sand and ignoring, denying, or hiding from reality.

I worked with a great bunch of LEOs and in a clean run department. Sure, we had our set of problems or disagreements, but they were mild. Lately, I really am learning the disparity between two sides of the earth. Departments all have different atmospheres, cliques, and attitudes. They are not the same. Let me tell you more.

This last week I have been questioned about my legitimacy. A local cop actually told me that when he tells his friends about my past and coming to Indiana, they tell him, "Something is up with that one. That story doesn't jive." I was told point blank: "Kathryn, you can tell me if you are in the Witness Protection Program and hiding from some mobster or gangster. I think we would all rather know now."

"I was just on fucking television. On a national network. Are you serious?"

This was a serious topic, but I was really about to bust my guts. I didn't mean to pass off as rude, but seriously, folks, if I can act this part, then what a fun story this would be!

Even after stating I am all over the internet and if I were truly in WITSEC, I was the dumbest client that ever entered the program, I still was questioned and not believed. I was treated differently- like I was a liar. It had no effect.

I throw my hands up. What do you do? You be gangster.

"Ok. I am in WITSEC. It was either here or Albuquerque. "

"I would just like to know. You just have to be upfront with us. No one believes you just left your job during a successful career to come here."

I couldn't find a brick wall fast enough to bang my head on. I had to change the subject before I pulled my hair out and channeled my inner Sinead O'Connor.

The cloud of doubt continued...then I got this from a bunch of veteran man cops: 

"All the pictures of you in your books show you having an intense look on your face."

"Yeah," I said, "That's how I was. I was intense and wound tight."

"We don't know any white girls that listen to your music. It's hard core. Like Bone Thugs, Eminem, some of that street rap. It's really alarming. It was almost a deal breaker. We don't get it."

Well, that struck up a conversation which got me on my girl bandstand.

"If you went west, you would find a bunch of people that listen to rap and other music. Especially, Eminem. We grew up with him. What the fuck? And who gives a shit about some person's musical preferences. It's not like I make you guys listen to it."

"It's just weird."

It got weirder.

The boys said they don't like female cops because they are "hard" and they try to be like the boys. Additionally, I was told they have no use for them and they think girls should be soft and wear frilly dresses. Oh, and they added I dress manly. Whee...doggies! That was the wrong thing to say to Fargo. Manly? I dress like a business professional. Off work, I wear lace tops and other girly things. The spittle which came thereafter from me being frustrated and hot to trot was not attractive. Everything came out between gritted teeth.

When I told them the females were prepared to back them up just like their linebacker buddies, they pshaw-ed me off, stating that they didn't need backup and certainly didn't wait around for any girls. This was not just said to get under my skin. It was what they really feel and think. I got that they aren't a close department when I did ride alongs. Everyone is cordial but not all friendly like as was my department.  I just didn't get they were working with Fred Flintstones and wanted Wilma to stay in the rock house tending to the fire.

This is Fuck You Barbie Cop. She was created by a man. Ten ways to tell this is a fake: 1. NOT anatomically correct. 2. Hair is not high and tight. 3. No duty belt. 4. High water pants. 5. Low top shoes are not worn by real cops. 6. Hand me down uniform. 7. Santa Claus belt is not issue approved. 8. Gravy train tie. 9. Karate chop hands are staged ninja hands.10. She is smiling. 

You can imagine my head spun around backwards and I went off about their version of a girl looking like a "ho" and being at home on the mattress. It did not go over well. I continued, trying to pry if that was the true opinion or just men trying to get me to twist off.

Push, push, push. "You guys really don't think that way."

"Yep." "Yep." "Yep."

Well fuck you, mutha fuckahs!

Really, was I in the stone ages? I thought we had all gotten past this? If they truly feel that way and are only telling me because I was out of the biz, how did they treat their female coworkers? This I needed to know. I am sure they put on a front so they didn't get in trouble, but were HORRIBLE behind their backs. Fuckers. It made me start talking like a truck driver.

"See. That's another thing. Real girls don't say 'fuck'. Hard girls who are cops and are jaded say 'fuck'."

"Yep. Fuck you, mutha fuckahs!"

"That really wasn't necessary."

The hell you say.

Did my coworkers feel the same about all of us? Was I just in lah-lah land thinking I was respected and we worked together well?

Who knows.

All I can say was that conversation blew. Square box, round pizza, triangular slices. I can make no sense of it. It hurt my head to think any more on this subject so I had to cease and desist.

And then I had to quickly phone my handler about moving me again. Maybe they will put me in a warm, tropical environment for the rest of the winter...


Dee said...

Okay wait..... SERIOUSLY??! This isn't a joke? I don't even know what to say to that. Even more surprising is that you didn't injure them in some small way...... LOL

Allenspark Lodge said...

"This last week I have been questioned about my legitimacy."

I can only assume that this blog was originally posted in the late 1950's, about 10 or 15 years before you were born. Otherwise, it just sounds like you might be making it up, or you live somewhere in the middle east. Did these guys have beards and wrapped heads? Or were they carrying revolvers and driving 4 door Plymouth Furys?


Old NFO said...

Unfrikkinbelievable... All it would take is one phone call, but I guess they don't have the balls to do it...

MrGarabaldi said...

Hey Momma Fargo;

Well hell...How do you respond to that...people have the audacity to question your bonofides? Jeez...I am amazed you didn't go all Fargo on their head?

Mad Jack said...

I'm trailing badly. If your story didn't make sense to them, my own personal history would bend their little minds so badly that they'd need electroshock therapy to get straightened out again.

As for the notorious 'asshole cop' attitude, I just got back from DTW where I encountered two carloads of complete and total asshole Detroit cops. They acted like jerks of the first water, and I hope they lose their guns, badges, and pensions due to civil rights violations.

If you're headed for a warmer climate, consider taking me with you.

Akcamper said...

High of 74 today here in Tucson, you are welcome anytime!

GunDiva said...


Be sure to tell them about our deputy who transitioned M->F a couple of years ago. If they don't like "girls" in the department, imagine how their heads will explode when they find out a tranny was a cop. And a damn good one. Who trained other deputies. Probably rubbed some of those tranny critters on them; next thing you know our whole department will be transitioning. Pretty soon, the department won't have any male deputies, we'll have men-turned-women deputies.

Oh, and be sure to video tape that conversation.

(I'll send supporting articles if you need some leverage)


Daddy Hawk said...

I've read this twice, and I still can't figure out how someone could be that dense.

Bob G. said...

MOmma FArgo:
Well, to put all that went down in a word...
Yes, that is ONE word.
(although some LEOs might like to hyphenate it.)

Stay strong, smile if YOU want to and don't let the idiots bother you one---damn---bit.

Roll safe down there, dear.