Now that I am somewhat mature, it takes a lot to get me miffed. I know. I know. Stop laughing...at the maturity part, anyway. I do try hard to stay active as a child. Back to the goat.
What trips our triggers? It all depends. (Not the diapers)
I will let you in on my secret ones. Don't use them against me. I am the long arm of the law. Not really. At least not any more. These become issues if I let them fester, so I have to learn to be miffed for a second and let it dissipate. Or drink it away.
Sometimes these "twitch" or "goat" triggers could be from an indirect source, not even from anyone remotely close to us. Other times, it could come from people you know. Let me elaborate with some examples:
1. Drive-bys. These are the snits that are flung to you while someone acts in a passive aggressive manner. It's like getting poop in your face by a bunch of juveniles driving by in a car. For instance, my hours are flexible, but I have to put in 8. My boss is pretty OK with things as long as I let him know and I put in my time. I don't cheat the system. So, I arrive either 30 minutes early to right on the dot to work.
The office manager (not my boss nor in the chain of command, but only in charge of office functions) put in her policy manual that employees must arrive 15 minutes early to work. Well, boy howdy, woman, that means you have to PAY them that time if you require it. Why? Because it's ILLEGAL to require everyone to be early birds without pay. She seems to think not. If a person chooses to arrive 30 minutes early, then that is on them, but when the organization requires it...ILLEGAL not to pay. Look it up. Labor laws.
When I arrive on the dot...my office manager makes comments, "Well, you could have found a parking space if you arrived on time." Well, I did arrive on time and ready to work. Why? Because I have everything set out from the day before and I already bring my coffee ready to drink. Grr.
So when I come in 15 minutes early because I feel like it, she states, "Oh, (tee hee) you scare me. You caught me picking my nose. I had to look at the clock because I thought I was late. " Ok, lady, you succeeded in pissing me off but you have cancer so I will shut my mouth and eat it.
Another example is friends and family saying I should just not date men and be happy with vibrators and wine with tinges of chocolate. My mom says things like this with a giggle, but I think she is pretty serious. Now she is all wise, I do realize this but sometimes it is difficult to take those all fishing. Well, they do make me happy, but I also like companionship. I just don't marry it anymore. If it doesn't suit me, I move on. I have learned. Bug approved. That's all that matters.
And to disclaim thoughts of whorism going through your minds. I am not. I don't have a lot of men nor have I had a lot of men. It's just the topic. It comes up because I truly believe I won't be alone and I want to grow old with someone. It's a dream and a thought. It makes my family roll their eyes. My friends have no faith in me and I seem to meet the wrong ones.
Unfortunately, drive-bys can be from anywhere whether they are meant as fun or poking truths.
2. "Gun violence." This jerks the erk out of me. There is no such thing. It is made up fairy dust by gun control freaks. Guns are not violent, people are. We label gang violence because the people are a gang of meanies. We call them terrorists because "ist" is a person. Call them shootists if you will, but shut the fuck up about gun violence.
3. Facebook Dumps. Memes or status announcements in a negative context on Facebook walls meant for someone, but you don't tag anyone, you just blanket the world with your hints. Hey...tag them! Sometimes you have to hit them right in between the eyes and publicly shame them. Stop it. Have a private conversation. I don't want to know that you hate Susie Q because she told someone you wore horizontal stripes at the town BBQ. If the private conversation doesn't work, move on or drop them from your life.
Unless they are directed at Hillary. Fire away.
4. Chalkolate. It happens when you buy your favorite candy bar or some divine chocolate delicacy and when you open the goodness, you find it has sat on the shelf too long or endured some environmental hardship. It tastes like shit. It is that light colored crumbly nastiness which has taken over some of the good luscious chocolate. If I wanted to taste chalk, I would lick the sidewalk.
Stop it. Retailers, keep fresh stuff stocked on your shelf. Know if it has been in the heat or cold too long.
5. Walmartians. These are the customer residents of Walmart. Most of them are entitled shit shows living off government cheese without any care to move off the handouts. They buy king crab when you barely can afford ground round. The best way to describe this is through visuals. I'm not picking on obesity. I have that disease, too. I am merely pointing out an attire difference and aggressive attitude.
They are the ones who shove past you in the aisle like they own the place because they are there every day. They tend to spend more freely at the first of the month when the government deposits their money onto their EBT cards. They readily recognize you are not a regular customer and appear to be out of your element, so they try to intimate you with their shopping carts and butt crack.
|Aggressive Cart Driver with Print Intimidation Clothing|
At times, the females don't wear bras and they sway by you with confidence and close quarters breaking your safe zone of personal space while reaching for the beans. It is dreadful if a rebel breastus touches your arm.
Shudder. The best way to describe this is through visuals.
Anyway. Be nice. Be nice to people anywhere and don't ram your cart into theirs or frown at their stupidity and inability to steer a metal device. Just be patient and use your manners and kindness. It all begins in the retail stores.
6. Special Snowflake Syndrome. The infected people are called Aggrievants.
This is a disease spreading rapidly across America. It was first infecting our youths and rampant at universities. It is now widespread reaching many adults. Along with the symptoms of entitlement and narcissism is the lack of coping skills and overly sensitive interiors. They are often offended by everything and anything. In fact, if you disagree with them, they become violent. Reality is a fog pushed to the back of their minds by media blips and coddling. It is sure to reach epidemic proportions by 2017.
Knock it off. Grow a vagina. Get your balls out of your purse. Get real.
I could go on, but I'm exhausted. No one listens to the common sensers, I am afraid. Like, I'm really afraid. It's not just a figure of speech. Many of us are ranting about the same things over and over and it is falling on deaf ears. Even if we use sign language, it is wasted breath, or something.
TA TA for now! We should all go callus up our knees. Wait. That didn't sound right.
I'm going to form calluses so I can deflect the Special Snowflake Syndrome and take the hits at Walmart.
Not just on my knees, but everywhere. Ok. I will stop. STOP!
Not just on my knees, but everywhere. Ok. I will stop. STOP!
Just toughen up, will ya? Avoid 1-6 as well.
Just stop it.