Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Finding Jimmy Hoffa

Snortle (snore-tull)

laughter, gleeful chuckle, chuckling and snorting. Usually designated as a description of a weird laugh, but a can be a laugh you make when you REALLY enjoy something. Fargo invented word, but not a Fargo invention. I rarely snort laugh. 

It is what The Queen does. I thought she needed some Wheels today...and it is the anniversary of his famous debut in The Boogie Man Is My Friend: The Rookies, published in 2013. 

Independence Day.

It's a proud day to behold. For all Americans. I fear kids don't know or realize what the day is all about in their hearts. Sure, they know the meaning on the surface. It's a day to light fireworks and party. Not really. I think the meaning might be lost in future generations if we don't preserve it.

But do they really know what battles the people fought to get where we are today? Do they really know what freedom means? Do they really FEEL what the 4th of July is all about? I often wonder that.

Keeping an open mind for celebrations on the 4th, we don't bring the hammer down on a fireworks during this weekend. Fireworks in our city are illegal. Unless Junior is starting the neighbor's cat on fire, we are pretty lenient and just tell them to "knock it off". Most of the time we just smile and "attempt" to locate the fireworks problem, "mysteriously can't find them", and move on to more serious crimes. Let the people have their one day of fun. It's an unwritten rule. Definitely unspoken.

Before too long, the entire computer screen was lit up with fireworks calls. The lieutenant put a stop to that and told dispatch just to ATL the fireworks calls over the screen and stop sending officers. It was becoming a serious waste of resources.

Wheels and I were patrolling a nice, historical part of town where mostly wealthy people live. Big trees...nice landscaping...quiet neighborhoods.

Approaching a 4-way stop, I looked left to see three young males throw fireworks out of their truck at the intersection...right in front of the POPO. So first off, we knew we were dealing with rocket scientists. Wheels was driving but didn't see it because he was looking at his stitches in the rear view mirror and admiring himself. The stitches he received from his war wound of magnitude awesomeness. Clown. So...I told him to pull the boys over. It was an order. He always said, "Ok, Boss."

I walked up to the passenger side. Wheels dealt with the driver.

ME: Who's brilliant idea was it to light fireworks right in front of the police?

SHAGGY: [age 18] Mine, ma'am. Stupid. Didn't see you. Until it was too late. Sorry.

ME: Aha. And how much have you had to drink today?

SHAGGY: Me? Oh, no, mam. Nothing. I am not old enough.

ME: I see. I realize you aren't old enough. So how much have you had to drink?

SHAGGY: Nothing.

ME: Ok. Let's try not to lie to the nice PoPo lady. First off, I can smell it. Second...lean out your window and look down.

SHAGGY: [leans out] I don't see nothin'.

ME: Really. You don't see that beer in your lap that fell and is leaking out the truck door...spilling on my nice spit shined work boot? You don't see that?

SHAGGY: Uh. I don't know what you are talking about, ma'am.

ME: Oh, good grief. You are so hosed already.  I wasn't born yesterday. You got the smart blond girl cop today. Just admit it. You were drinking and still possess beer. It's not like ghosts that possess you. The beer doesn't magically appear or land in your lap or under your seat. You possess the beer. Open your door.

So Shaggy opened his door and out fell the beer bottle which broke on the asphalt and spilled the rest of the beer all over the place.

ME: Ok. Now do you see it?

SHAGGY: Well, ma'am, I didn't want to get in trouble.

ME: I do realize that. Why don't you boys step out of the truck and sit on the lawn over here for a minute.

Of course, during this course of conversation, the rear passenger admitted to me his doings and showed me his bottle of beer. He was also 18. The driver was 16, but had not taken any drinks of alcohol yet. I said YET. Boys. Thank Jesus the driver was smart enough not to drink and drive.

I started to talk to the boys and get their IDs. I ran their names for warrants. Their names were familiar and not in a bad way. They were good kids. All stars in sports. Just graduated. Except the driver. The driver was a kid who was "lost" because his dad signed away his rights and he now lived with his mother. It was a sad story. He wasn't a terrible kid, he just needed some guidance and attention. He got into occasional trouble. I think it was his acting out. At least that was me channeling my inner psychiatrist. His mother was trying to help him get over the loss of not having a father figure. I knew his uncle. His uncle was a good friend of mine.

But the other two boys were normally a good influence on him. Maybe they got a little carried away for the 4th. It happens.

So we were having a good conversation, talking about career futures, talking about better choices, talking about not getting in trouble....talking about NOT being stupid in front of the PoPo. And no drinking and driving.

Wheels on the other hand...

WHEELS: [to driver} Mind if I search your truck?

DRIVER KID: Nope. Go ahead. It's a mess, tho.

Pretty soon we lost Wheels. I only saw his butt hanging out. He produced the same beer the back passenger had in his hand and showed me. Wheels obviously wasn't paying attention.


KIDS: *blink*blink*

ME: *blink*blink*

Wheels kept digging in the truck and throwing things outside on the ground during the course of his "homicide" investigation. This became entertainment for myself and the boys. I just crossed my arms and watched while the boys sat on the sidewalk and hung their heads.

KIDS: Ma'am, we just want you to know for the record that we already admitted to you we were drinking.

ME: Yep. I know.

KIDS: We only had 2 beers in the truck.

ME: Yep. I know.

KIDS: He's kind of uptight, isn't he? We don't have any more fireworks or beer.

ME: Yep. I know. So...I am trying to decide whether Wheels is a wolverine, badger, rat terrier, or a squirrel in your truck. What do you boys think?

DRIVER KID: Ma'am, I think he is a Jack Russel Terrier.

ME: Great answer. 

WHEELS: BOYS, WHERE IS THE REST OF YOUR BEER?  I know from experience because I have been your age that there is more beer in here. WHERE ARE YOU HIDING IT?

ME: [Roll eyes. Seriously, Wheels...you are like 5 years older than these kids, I thought to myself.]

SHAGGY: He is going crazy in there.

ME: Yeah.

COWBOY KID: Why does he not believe us?

ME: Because he's looking for his ball, only in cop format.

SHAGGY: What is he doing?

ME: Well, he thinks every call is a sinister homicide. So you boys best tell him where the body is. Or I will be here all night.

COWBOY KID: Ma'am, that's just crazy.

ME: Welcome to my world.

It did put a smile on my face, though. You have to love an overzealous rookie with the right stuff, just needing some refinement and finesse.

Friday, June 3, 2016

Can You Bring Miranda For Miss Thang Over Here?

The latest from me over at Uniform Stories here. Let's face it, I'm ruined as a woman.

So many people are confused about Miranda warnings. It stretches far and wide. So, to clear up any mysteries, here is my most comprehensive smart article on the subject. It really helps to make it simple. At least I think so. If I think it is a simple break down, then any one can get it. Why am I bringing this one back up? Because I was going through my journal and it sparked some inspiration.

And along with that, is a throwback Fargo PoPo story from my not so famous journal...

This happened sometime around when I was at my fittest moment...both with brain and body. I was a walking billboard of mental fitness topped off with a strong physique. Apparently, that didn't ward off any crazies. I just was never ominous like the big boys.

So, I pick up this girl on a warrant. She has a mouthpiece...you know, the kind that her mother would not approve. She's very disrespectful and cussing the entire time in my presence. It clouds my aura. Love these types. 

Please, Lord, give me some duct tape and make it legal to use it!

Well, I listen to it...because I HAVE to...and turn my music up a little. Yeah, that didn't make her happy. You know what she did? Yep, she did...she opened the mouthpiece. I really hate that word-mouthpiece-sometimes. It sounds so disrespectful. This child was not in the house of respect, she was in the House of PoPo. 

She said, "Oh, bad ass bitch cop gonna drown me out with her music. I see how you are..." 

It didn't stop with one sentence or two, but droned on and on. 

Almost to the jail, she stopped and said, "I'm majoring in criminal justice. I'm going to sue you! You didn't read me my rights." 

I calmly stated, "Miss Thang, I don't have to read you your rights unless I am going to ask you questions. Maybe you should read Miranda v. Arizona and some other case law. See, you are arrested on a small bench warrant...really nothing I'm interested in because I concentrate on catching REAL criminals. You are but a small potato in the big pot of mashed ones. But here you are in my patrol car. Had to arrest you because of a warrant. Yep. Judge's orders. Nope. Don't have to read you your rights. That brings us to a quandary. Do I or don't I? What to do? Have you seen the movies? Everyone gets their rights read to them. Why? Because Hollyweird is dumb and implants things in the minds of several. Have you ever watched Silence of the Lambs backwards? It's just like those records. Do you know what that word, quandary, means? No? Well, let me put it this way- if the Judge didn't make me, I would toss you right out...because you are annoying. I would probably leave you on the other side of the tracks down by north town. There are some hobos cross river who might welcome you to their camp. But I can't because the paperwork says I SHALL arrest you...which means I must. And what I want to do and what I have to do makes an awkward situation. But, Miss Thang, since you know the law upside down, diagonal, and this side of Sunday, then you already knew all this before you shot off your legalese.  However, if you want to exercise your rights, I would suggest you pay attention to your right to be silent." 

Whew. I caught my breath quietly and waited. 

Well, that shut her up believe it or not. FOR. THE. DURATION. 

Amen, Jesus!

Oh, yeah, my mouthpiece works better than hers. 

And no...there is no recording of that. Why? I am sure it was recorded over after all these years.

Thursday, June 2, 2016

Sexpots Have More Fun

Last night marked my first real session with Obi. Lifting was about a two hour session.

Today I was successful in buttoning my pants and putting deodorant on. I am grateful to be able to master those tasks today. Somehow I feel and look like T-Rex, sporting shrunk short arms carried at a 90 degree angle.

But I won't tell him that. I'm fine! Great workout! Whoooo!

Let me just say...I am a weenie. I have lost a lot of strength, but he was patient with me. I also learned a lot about muscles and weights. I am really looking forward to this. I would post some naked before and after pics, but my arms don't work.

I bet you are also grateful I can sorta type with scrunched arms and didn't miss a post today. Bravo, Fargo! Dinosaurs can keyboard. By the way, it is called keyboarding now. Get it right.

You probably didn't know this post took 12 hours to complete. I have good peckers!

Do you keep your balls in your purse? Head in the sand?  If you missed trending stories...

1. UCLA shooting-murder suicide by suspect student to victim teacher.
2. Clinton aide pleads fifth in email scam
3. 2 CA officers shot. Suspect is burning in a house fire right now...supposedly
4. Man beats wife's would be rapist to death! Bravo, sir!  Maybe that isn't PC to say that...but oh well.
5. Trump U. getting slammed as a fraud by NY Attorney General.

It's a pretty sad day when I only read the headlines and choose not to go any further. What is really dangerous? The headline might say: SEX SCANDAL AND HOMICIDE SUSPECTED IN TOY TOWN. Yet, the meat of the story talks about a broken Sheriff Woody left in an abandoned vehicle on the north side of town.

Those headliner news just try to suck you in to a bunch of poof news. So if you just read my headline today, you might have gotten excited only to find a totally unrelated story. But if you read to the end, you might find the sexy part. Got you to click, though, didn't I? Suckah!

If we only read the headlines...well...we miss a lot of wood.

Get the wood.

And continuing with penial penal system finds...I think we are punishing our do-gooder students a little too much by denial of some celebrations.

More strange news...

What a load of crap! Right? Apparently, Plano High School does not allow anything of any sorts, not just exclusive of the National Honor Society.

Who made that rule? Dumb. Wait. I know. An administration that wants to give participation ribbons to everyone. How do you instill ambition, success,  and drive in these kids if you don't acknowledge the victories? I have no idea. I don't think national scrutiny will even fix these problems which I am sure are all over the place, not just in one school.

Our school systems have really gone in the shitter in some areas. We have some great teachers, but they are put in a conformation box. Then you have dumb ideas.

How did this all transpire? Dumb whiner parents and dumb government fixers. Isn't this the place everyone is supposed to get smart?

I don't know. I'm just a dumb outsider.

After some keyboarding, stretching, and much needed Icy Hot, I have gotten my arms to work. So...much to your dismay or pleasure...I can now upload my naked video...

I hope you enjoyed my sexy dance.