Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...

Friday, June 3, 2016

Can You Bring Miranda For Miss Thang Over Here?

The latest from me over at Uniform Stories here. Let's face it, I'm ruined as a woman.

So many people are confused about Miranda warnings. It stretches far and wide. So, to clear up any mysteries, here is my most comprehensive smart article on the subject. It really helps to make it simple. At least I think so. If I think it is a simple break down, then any one can get it. Why am I bringing this one back up? Because I was going through my journal and it sparked some inspiration.

And along with that, is a throwback Fargo PoPo story from my not so famous journal...

This happened sometime around when I was at my fittest moment...both with brain and body. I was a walking billboard of mental fitness topped off with a strong physique. Apparently, that didn't ward off any crazies. I just was never ominous like the big boys.

So, I pick up this girl on a warrant. She has a mouthpiece...you know, the kind that her mother would not approve. She's very disrespectful and cussing the entire time in my presence. It clouds my aura. Love these types. 

Please, Lord, give me some duct tape and make it legal to use it!

Well, I listen to it...because I HAVE to...and turn my music up a little. Yeah, that didn't make her happy. You know what she did? Yep, she did...she opened the mouthpiece. I really hate that word-mouthpiece-sometimes. It sounds so disrespectful. This child was not in the house of respect, she was in the House of PoPo. 

She said, "Oh, bad ass bitch cop gonna drown me out with her music. I see how you are..." 

It didn't stop with one sentence or two, but droned on and on. 

Almost to the jail, she stopped and said, "I'm majoring in criminal justice. I'm going to sue you! You didn't read me my rights." 

I calmly stated, "Miss Thang, I don't have to read you your rights unless I am going to ask you questions. Maybe you should read Miranda v. Arizona and some other case law. See, you are arrested on a small bench warrant...really nothing I'm interested in because I concentrate on catching REAL criminals. You are but a small potato in the big pot of mashed ones. But here you are in my patrol car. Had to arrest you because of a warrant. Yep. Judge's orders. Nope. Don't have to read you your rights. That brings us to a quandary. Do I or don't I? What to do? Have you seen the movies? Everyone gets their rights read to them. Why? Because Hollyweird is dumb and implants things in the minds of several. Have you ever watched Silence of the Lambs backwards? It's just like those records. Do you know what that word, quandary, means? No? Well, let me put it this way- if the Judge didn't make me, I would toss you right out...because you are annoying. I would probably leave you on the other side of the tracks down by north town. There are some hobos cross river who might welcome you to their camp. But I can't because the paperwork says I SHALL arrest you...which means I must. And what I want to do and what I have to do makes an awkward situation. But, Miss Thang, since you know the law upside down, diagonal, and this side of Sunday, then you already knew all this before you shot off your legalese.  However, if you want to exercise your rights, I would suggest you pay attention to your right to be silent." 

Whew. I caught my breath quietly and waited. 

Well, that shut her up believe it or not. FOR. THE. DURATION. 

Amen, Jesus!

Oh, yeah, my mouthpiece works better than hers. 

And no...there is no recording of that. Why? I am sure it was recorded over after all these years.


Old NFO said...

ROTF... I'm afraid I've have done that about five minutes into her rant...

VEG said...

I am now and forever going to employ the phrase "Shut your mouthpiece" whenever someone is annoying me. Even if it's only IN MY HEAD. :)

I always loved your po po stories. I don't know how anyone does that job, it sounds just terrifying 90% of the time. But lord, is it entertaining.

Cheryl said...

OH I love that story!!! So Miss Thang was a criminal justice major and a criminal. Isn't that double dipping? I just adore your use of language and humor. You should write a comic version of a cop show. I would watch every episode. You really are brilliant.

Bob G. said...

Momma Fargo:
Yhat's a good story about you "ride-along"...LMAO!

I do miss the days BEFORE Miranda...nothing like a good Manhattan phone book upside the head to shake the cobwebs out of a suspect, jar the old memory, and get them to talk.
I WILL grant you that Miranda has it's place in SOME instances, but it's become such a fallback as has our 5th Amendment. It's become more "convenient" than helpful.

(suspects do have the "right to sing the blues" as was spoken in Police Academy...lol)

And the last time I checked, everyone else's rights END where MINE begin (and vice versa).
That is what works for me.

Good post.

Roll safe down there, dear.

Momma Fargo said...

OldNFO...nah. You would have hung out just for entertainment value. LOL

VEG...It's such a useful word. LMAO

Cheryl...I wish I could be that brilliant to do that. :)

Bob...Miranda is great! I use it to my advantage. LOL