Evidence 101

EVIDENCE 101...Wherever you go, there you are...

Friday, June 23, 2017

Unicorn Lessons

This story still makes me laugh. I love kids, especially ones who really aren't bad kids, but just might be out there pulling juvenile pranks. In their minds, they are just having some innocent fun but with a little edge.

We just so happen to run into quite a few good kids who maybe just needed a little guidance. Basically, you know you have good kids in front of you when they shit their pants because the cops pulled them over. It's a clue. If they fear the cops in a respectful manner, they are mostly good.

Officer Squirrel and I were on special assignment during the night. We worked hard and tried to find DUIs, traffic violations, suspicious persons walking. Basically, anyone out in our sight was meat. These would be prime training opportunities. FTO 101.

About 11:00 p.m., a red car caught our attention. Not because of a traffic violation...because they were clearly hauling around stolen property...

Actual captured photo of suspect car. Photo credit: Fargo

OFFICER SQUIRREL: Do you two know why we pulled you over?

BOHEMIAN JOHN: Yes, sir. [nodding his head]

OFFICER SQUIRREL: Not only did you steal a traffic pylon, but you duct taped it to your windshield. It's kind of obvious you were going to get caught. And what about the "shoo police" on your back window?

BOHEMIAN JOHN: The part that says...Magical Unicorn Ride?

OFFICER SQUIRREL: Yes. You do realize it looks like you have a you know what taped to your windshield.

BOHEMIAN MATT: Yes, sir. We thought it was funny.


ME: It sounded like a great idea at the time, right?

BOHEMIAN JOHN: We were just talking about that when we were pulling over for you, Ma'am.

So...we ran the little buggers and they didn't have a criminal record and were just freshmen in college. We threw the hammer down on them and made them drive 3 miles back to where they stole the cone and put it back, had a little lecture, and a little Fargo one on one time.

ME: Thanks, boys. Hope you make some better choices. You can be funny, but don't steal, even if it's seems like a little thing.

BOHEMIAN MATT: Thanks so much, Ma'am.

ME: Remember one thing.

BOHEMIAN JOHN: Yes, Ma'am. What is that?

ME: You don't have to have a traffic cone taped to your windshield to look like a couple of dickheads.

BOHEMIAN JOHN/MATT: [simultaneously] Yes, Ma'am. Thanks again.

With that last profound statement, we sent them on their way. I have to admit while I was driving down the road, I was laughing so hard the tears were flying. It was that contagiously chronic laughter. We both couldn't stop...probably because we used to do those dumb things, too.


Tennessee Grammie said...

Back in '65 while at college, my friend Shelly and I 'liberated' a lantern off the front porch of a frat house and drove around town with it in my convertible. Shelly couldn't get the light to turn off, so while laughing our heads off and trying to be quiet, we snuck back and put the lantern on the porch of the frat house next door to the one we had liberated it from...

Coffeypot said...

I hear that all the time from Judy.

Bob G. said...

Momma Fargo:
Some people will do ANYTHING to get that little bit of attention (and usually from the police).

Although I don't recall doing dumb stuff like that (and therefore never attracted the attention of the po-po).
My parents usually stepped in LONG before that happened, and it might entail the warming of the posterior side.

Good story.
Have a great weekend & roll safe down there, Kiddo.

Old NFO said...

Wow, all we did was tip cows... Of course back then, the cones WEREN'T something you stole, either.

Well Seasoned Fool said...

We would take a "24 Hour Service" sign from one of the service stations and put it on the porch of a family with five daughters.