Bringing up the surf time at the peak of summer. Here's one of my favorite traffic stops and yours...
Tonight in Gotham City, I pulled over this VW bus. I approached the driver, duh. That's what cops do.
As I was walking up, I noticed the Mr. Zog's Sex Wax bumper sticker on his back window. Now most people might not think this is unusual. But, it's Wyoming. We have no surf. Not unless you are in the middle of Alcova Lake at high wind time.
We got into the dialogue of the traffic stop and since he was a chatty guy, I opened my big mouth which at most times I should just use my professional lingo and move on. Nope. I felt the need to converse. When things in my head roll down and out the tip of my tongue, I should just use duct tape.
ME: Sir, clever slogan...that bumper sticker on your back window. I just never understood why they called it that, but boy, did Herzog change the world.
DUDE: Yeah, way cool. It's really good for your sticks.
ME: You don't say? [I'm thinking...surf boards or Mr. Wanky?]
DUDE: Yeah, it really gives me a good grip.
DUDE: Yeah, when I'm getting a good beat...I can keep great timing and rhythm. I can get right in there, beat 'til I'm exhausted and still never lose my grip. Really live the moment, ya know?
What do I know about surf talk? I'm from Wyoming.
ME: Aha. I just think it makes me flinch hearing about it.
DUDE: [Laughs] Yeah, when I'm beating down good, I get sweaty and that stuff keeps my grip and conditions the stick. Say, why do you say it makes you flinch?
ME: All I can think about is it has to get all balled up down there and then it's like a Brazilian wax job. Hurts to think about it. Unless you did some manscaping.
DUDE: [Acts confused and then the light goes on]Oh, ma'am, it's not like that. It's for my drum sticks. Sex wax is just what it is called and just a clever slogan. The dude thought the name sounded cool when he invented it. Surfing, you know. Sex sells.
ME: I don't care what you call it. I don't care that you refer to Mr. Wanky as "drum stick". It's still got be sticky and gets all balled up down there. Then when the moment is over...not fun to pluck, pull, and yank that stuff out.
DUDE: No, ma'am. It isn't for sex. Sex wax is not just for surf boards. It is for drum sticks. I'm in a band.
ME: You don't say?
DUDE: Seriously, google it. [Laughs] That was pretty funny though.
ME: Yeah. This is an entirely inappropriate conversation, isn't it?
DUDE: Oh, it's all good.
ME: Well, I think I will give you a warning...slow down...on the driving and the beatings...or something.
DUDE: Heh, heh. Thanks, ma'am.
ME: Have a nice day. And take good care of your stick. You want it to last a lifetime.
And so with that, I rushed right into the station to google sex wax thinking the filters of Big Brother wouldn't even let me google that combo of words. And now, I am probably going to be on the porn watch list of the city.
But, hey, you don't say...the dude was right. Read all about it. Whodathunk? Learn something new every day.